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Who am I?

Well, this can/is a hard question to answer. I had a friend on Facebook post who she was. Take her or leave her kinda thing. I imagined she felt freer after she posted it. Maybe those in her life found out things they didn’t know. Loved her more for putting herself out there. I’m not exactly sure why but ever since I read her post, I wanted to do the same. Lay myself out there. Not one person knows all of me. This post won’t allow you to see all of me but it’ll give you more than you probably already know. I have no idea why I feel the need to share any of this with you, but when I am told to do something, I suck it up and listen. I might add that I don’t listen immediately but I try to follow Him and His nudges. 

I can tell you my name. I can tell you what I do. I don’t necessarily think those things define who I am. 

My name is Trel. 

I am a mother, daughter, wife, aunt, daughter in law, granddaughter, friend, sister, step sister, step daughter, niece. 

I clean dishes, wash clothes, wash dishes, heal boo-boos, read stories, play games, listen to problems, fix problems, play dress-up, color, cook meals, and much more. 

But who am I? What do I like? What are my passions? Weakness? Strength? What makes me laugh? Makes me angry? Calms me? What do I believe? Who do I believe in?

I may not know 100% what all these answers are or have more than a few answers, but I do know one thing about myself. I’m complicated. I don’t always understand why I do/feel/think what I do. 

Here are things that I do know about myself:

I love with all I have. I’m a jealous person. I forgive when others tell me I deserve not too. I anger easily. I laugh at inappropriate times. I am inappropriate. I hold back when I should give all. I can be rough. I hurt others. I miss those not in my life deeply. I don’t so well with change. I shove my sadness and frustration down until I just explode. I can tell you all day long how to do something or how to handle a situation but I cannot always practice what I preach. I have the mouth of a sailor most days. I regret. I love to help people. I crave being with my friends and mister. I don’t appreciate what I have. I take my bubble for granted. I suck at admitting I’m wrong. Even harder for me to say I’m sorry. I get clingy but hold back. I start to question things when my friendships reach a certain point. I would do more if I had more to give. I need a partner, I am not good being a leader by myself. I fail daily. I believe in God. I am a Christ follower. I believe what the Bible says. I believe that there is only one way to heaven. I believe everyone has the free will to choose what they believe. My actions/words do not always match my beliefs. When I’m hurting, you probably wouldn’t even know it. I’m good at putting on a smile. I’m a horrible liar, my face will tell on me. I cannot eat/drink something I do not like. No matter how full my life/plate is, I want to help others. I take tons of notes that I, usually, never look at again. My anxiety is ridiculous. Organization calms me. But you wouldn’t know it with the way my house looks. My children have taught me more than I could have ever imagined. I am slapped in the face daily by them…not always a bad thing. I fail them daily. I hope I don’t have to pay for therapy in their future. They make me become more filter less. More courageous. They have made myself build a stronger backbone. My nonsense meter is very low. I have no room for drama in my life…my children’s drama is enough. I am ungrateful. My thanks aren’t enough.  I am forgiven. My mistakes don’t outweigh my worth. Tomorrow is always a new day. The next week/day/hour/minute is another chance for me to be better. I am the least perfect and put together person you will meet. I am a mess. I don’t have all the answers….though my life would be easier if I did. I’m not proud of my past but it’s part of my story. I won’t know what I have until it’s gone though I pray I don’t wait that long to ‘get it’. I trust too quickly but not as quickly as I used to. I’m nice to everyone but I don’t like everyone. If you could hear my inner voice and the goings on of my brain, you would be frightened. I am crazy. I think too much. I like to but if put in a corner, I will fight to the death. I’m impatient. I have to check myself before I wreck myself….daily. I am messy. I talk a hundred miles a minute. I get depressed. I have high highs. I am just a mess trying to do my best and please God. I eat too much. I am so thankful I’m not allergic to chocolate. 

This is me (and more than what I can verbally say). Take me or leave me. I’m not here to please you or make you happy. I don’t apologize for who I am but I am working on making me better. There is always more of me you don’t know or understand (I don’t even understand most days). 

This is me. Trel. 

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