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Mommie and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Yesterday evening was one of those days. I was just irritated with all of my children for their behavior. Their lack of respect for me. The fact that they took over an hour and a half to clean the living room, which isn’t that big to begin with. The fact that they whined about everything they were told to do.
They were able to play all day & do what they wanted. At 5pm yesterday is when I told them it was time to clean up the living room & kitchen area. All messes they made. I don’t know why they choose not to listen & clean up after themselves. I don’t know why I have to repeat myself several times a day, everyday. Aren’t they tired of hearing me yell!? Aren’t they tired of spending their free time cleaning up!? Aren’t they going to learn that if they pick up as they go then they won’t have to spend their free time cleaning!? Don’t they get it!?

Wait! Don’t I get it?! Don’t I get that my approach hasn’t been working?! Don’t I get that by me yelling isn’t accomplishing anything productive!? Don’t I get that maybe I should try something different with them?! Don’t I get that my way of doing things isn’t their way of doing things!? They are 4 (Kiddo #5 isn’t really old enough right now, though I am trying with her) different people who think, act, process, and do things 4 different ways.

This isn’t some ‘ah ha’ moment that I had for the first time yesterday. It’s something that I have known for awhile but haven’t learned to change my behavior in these moments. I can think clearly afterwards but I cannot go back and change the damage that I have already caused. I need to learn how to fix my approach and attitude before I can even begin to think that my children will change theirs. It starts with me. I am the example for these 5 children. If I react with rage, anger, hurtful words, & chaos…why in the world would I think that they would react any differently than me!?

If I want them to act differently towards me than I need to be the one to show them how to treat me. This concept isn’t new and is clearly stated in the Bible: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets”, Matthew 7:12 NIV.
So if it spells it out clearly how I should treat others, why do I think that my way would work better than the Bible!? I am crazy to even think that would work! I need to get my head on straight and start living what I believe.

I haven’t stopped thinking about this since I kept replaying the evening in my head. It had been bothering me. It has been sitting heavy on my heart. Usually when this happens, I think about it, say I am going to change, and then fall back into the same trap. This time feels differently within me. I am ready to change my ways in order to show my children how to treat people. Just because I (or any of them) get upset with someone, doesn’t mean that my actions/words are justified. I need to remain calm & think before I speak and act. Mmmmm, sounds like something that I tell my children. Maybe I should start practicing what I am preaching!?

Today is a new day.
Today I start over.
Today I have already messed up.
That’s ok.
I can still start over and not have to wait for a new day.
I can start over in a new hour, 1/2 hour, & minute.
I need to take things slowly.
I need to think before I speak. If that means that I listen to what my children have to tell me and then tell them that I need to think about it before I deal with the situation, then that’s what I need to do. I need to be more aware of what I am projecting. I need to be intentional about my actions and words. I am the example. If I want our family to live & be different than the world, then it starts with me. I cannot expect my wants for my family to happen if I cannot show, not just tell, them how to act & speak.

It starts with me.
It starts today.

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It’s off the table

I was sitting in a local restaurant this past Sunday evening with a small group of ladies.
These ladies & I get together once a month for something called the IF: Table. There is always a set of questions that we can talk about, which is wonderful to get the conversation going & a great ice breaker for those that are new or need a topic to start with.
Anyway, we tend to start with the questions, go off topic, and then wrangle ourselves back to the questions.

We started talking about how divorce is so common these days and how some people tend to just marry & divorce like it doesn’t mean anything to take those vows. Celebrities & media certainly don’t help with these matters either.

We started talking about our personal stories of divorce and how we viewed it.

I shared that Mister and I have been on the brink of divorce more than once in our marriage. We had many struggles and didn’t always know how to deal with these things. My first reaction was to always run away and leave the problem/situation.
Then there came a point during 1 argument (I don’t remember many details) where Mister said that divorce wasn’t an option for us. I looked at him and said that he didn’t get to decide those things for me. We proceeded to tell me that if I wanted to leave then that was fine but he would never sign any divorce papers. This made no sense to me. Why would you want to stay with someone who didn’t want to be with you & hinder them from going on with their life. It made no sense to me. I questioned him with a million questions about this (I can only imagine) and figured that if he wanted to do that then that was fine but I wasn’t going to stick around.

I came off my angry cloud eventually.
Why was I so bent on leaving this marriage just because it got rough? Why was leaving this man the only option that I would consider? Why was he willing to hold onto this so tightly?

At this point in our lives we were apart of a company/team that believed in what the Bible said and believed it to be true. Though Mister grew up going to church, being involved in his church, and reading the Bible….I did not. This wasn’t something that I was interested in. I didn’t want these things shoved down my throat.
Mister began to read the Bible more and act the way he believed instead of just saying that he believed. No matter what I wanted or even what he wanted, he read in the Bible that divorce isn’t something that you should do. (What does the Bible say about divorce?)

Knowing that he wouldn’t sign papers to have a divorce, I had 1 of 2 options. #1- I could be married to him the rest of my life & be unhappy. #2- I could get over myself, work through these problems, and be happy.
Knowing something isn’t an option really makes you stop & think about what the real issue is.

Some of you are probably yelling at your screen right about now. That’s ok, just keep reading ūüėČ

I will be & am forever thankful that Mister had a big enough backbone to stand for our marriage. That he did something that he strongly believed in for the better of our family (I believe we had 3 kiddos when all this happened). I am thankful that no matter what friends, family, media, or any other influences were telling him that he did what he believed to be right….not convenient or easy or popular. I thank God that Mister did and said what he did. We wouldn’t be who/where we are without him standing his ground like that. I love that man more than I could ever express and am thankful I stuck around.

No matter what you are going through or who you are going through it with, when you take options like divorce or just simply walking away from any relationship or anything else in your life when you come to a cross road, when you take the option of giving up/running away off the table, you are forcing yourself to deal with the problem. You are forcing yourself to work through the muck. You are forcing yourself to step out of your comfort zone and grow.

Believe when I say that I know sometimes ending these chapters in your life are what needs to be done. I’m just saying do not give up until you’ve tried your hardest and given it everything you’ve got. You will never know what comes from things if you aren’t willing to stick around and fight. Be willing to put up with something/someone for some time in order to make sure that it’s really meant to end. Make sure that you did all you can do.

Make sure giving up isn’t an option and is off the table.

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I’m calling you out!

Or rather I want you to call me out.
Yes you read that right.

I want to be held accountable for my words and actions. I don’t just want to talk about what I believe, I want to do what I believe.

It’s so easy to let my emotions get the best of me and let other people back me up & say that I’m justified in my actions/words. But that doesn’t always mean I’m right in those words/actions.

If I am wanting to live my life as a Christ follower than I need to do what He says. It doesn’t mean that I’ll like or that it’ll be comfortable, but it does mean that I’ll be living by His rules. I have to do what the world thinks is odd, weird, and (sometimes) wrong.
I’m ok with that.

I’m ok with people thinking I’m weird. I’m ok with people thinking I’m doing something for nothing. I’m ok with people mocking me because of this choice. I’m ok with people trying to tear my down because of this choice.

I will mess up. I will fail. I will be wrong. I’m ok with all that.

Here’s where you come in!

If I say or do something & it’s questionable whether or not it’s Christ like, please point it out. Bring it to my attention.

If you hear something from someone about me & it sounds questionable, come to me about it. Make sure what you heard was correct. If it is correct & its ify, call me on it.

Will my feelings get hurt this?
Yes.

Will I loose people in my life over this choice?
It’s possible though I don’t want that to happen.

Will I gain friends from this choice?
It’s possible and would be wonderful.

Will I learn something from this?
Absolutely!

I’m serious about this guys. I want to be better with my walk and how I represent God.
Contact me in whatever way you are comfortable with. Let me know that what I said/did maybe wasn’t the way that the Bible says I should have. If you aren’t familiar with the Bible, that’s ok, still question me. Don’t be afraid to say something in fear of hurting my feelings. I would rather my feelings be hurt from the truth than be just fine from you holding back.

I’m ready for this to happen and really hope & pray that y’all call me out.
I also pray that all other Christ followers will open the door to have others call you out too.
We can’t grow if we are corrected.

2 Peter 3:8-14

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Thankful Tuesday 05/28/13

After my time spent last night reading the Bible, I have changed what I am thankful for today.
(I’ll use what I was going to say this week for next)

I am thankful that I don’t have to worry about anything. And when I do worry I can turn it around and pray about it and then let God do what His plan is all along.

I am thankful that even when I do worry and don’t do this, He is still by my side helping me through whatever it is that I am worrying about.

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Prayer and petition

I usually don’t post a blog this late &, actually, wasn’t going to until I read the word petition.

There have been some things that have been on my mind lately.
Ok, let me get more real than that.
There have been many things that have been weighing on me & consuming my thoughts. Today it seemed like they all hit me at once + just doing our daily life.

It hasn’t happened but at any minute I feel like I am going to need a brown paper bag to start taking deep breaths into.
I can see the anxiety attack coming a mile away.

I don’t want the attack to happen. I can’t let Satan, my thoughts, and these worldly troubles bother me/get me down/torture me to this point. It’s not healthy, unproductive, and not what God wants for me. And it’s definitely not something that I want for myself.

So after we came home from a family visit (which we had a great time today!), everyone was in bed (including Mister), and the last few loads of laundry (at least for now) were going, I knew that I have to get into the word. There was no other way for me to have the heaviness be lifted off my chest, shoulders, and heart. I have been praying for about certain things lately but prayer just doesn’t seem to be doing it anymore for these specific things. That’s another reason I knew that I had to read His word.
Most of the time I don’t know where to start, especially when I am craving/needing some specific.
First, since my phone was almost dead & charging, I logged into my YouVersion account on my laptop to read and get what I needed.
I soon realized I wasn’t getting anything or anywhere. Well, that’s not entirely true. I bookmarked Matthew 6:19-34 & read it about twice.

My heart didn’t feel that was enough. It knew I needed/wanted more than that.
I pulled out my Bible and turned to the back where it lists specific topics & where to find them.
I go to and read the page under the “Anxiety” section.
I read it, get it, and underline a few points that stood out to me.
Then I turn to the second page that is under this section.
The page was on the right but on the left was a verse that I have highlighted before.
After I read that verse, I knew that I didn’t need to read whatever the other page had to say.
It was exactly what I needed to hear/see.
I patted my Bible, smiled, and said “Thank you Lord. I needed that.”

Like I said at the start of this post,¬†I wasn’t even planning on typing anything up about this until I got my thoughts together more. (If this seems rambled & off it’s because I am doing this unplanned and winging it.)
I was just going to write a journal entry crying out to God and praying over what’s been consuming me.
Until I got to the word ‘petition’ in this verse.

Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I was going to (and still planning) do all this. And then I thought¬†of another verse (Matthew 18:19, ”¬†Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven”)

This is where the petition part comes in. I may be¬†wrong in this, and if I am please point it out to me, but it doesn’t say to petition alone. So I am asking anyone who would like to or feels lead to, to please keep us in your prayers. Be in agreement with¬†us that His will is done, that we listen to what He tells us, and that we are at peace with what He is giving us.
I know that I would rather say to be in agreement with¬†what we want and what we think is best, but I know those things may not be His plan for us. I have to release what I want (even though it’s not easy at all and something that I struggle with all the time) and do what He wants.

I will be writing out an entry in my journal tonight like the verses says. This is me doing the other part of the verse….the petition part.
Thank you to each one of you that stands in our corner & says a prayer for us tonight, it means more than I could ever express. ‚̧

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God hates you

Is one of *THE* biggest lie anyone can ever tell you!!
If anyone ever tells you this, they are a fool and you can call them that!

There are some Christians saying this to others just because they sin differently and/or more openly then they do. I don’t know what leg these people have to stand on when they are saying this and I’d like to read their Bible. My Bible doesn’t say that anywhere!

God cares about you & loves you! He cares & loves you a lot…. more than I can put into words to you.
He doesn’t care what your past is, He takes you as you are…no matter your shape or how much baggage you bring. He welcomes you with open arms!

If God hated you He wouldn’t have had His only son die the death he did in order to save us.
If you haven’t watched “The passion of Christ” then you need to get it. It’s so moving and will break your heart and fill it with joy all at the same time!

If God hates you then He hates me. We all sin (Romans 3:23), every single day all day long. No one is immune to this…no one.

Once people start talking instead of beating people over the head, maybe their point will be taken instead of instantly rejected.

Being a Christian isn’t about pointing your finger at others an telling them what they need to do (Matthew 7:5), it’s about finding out who Christ wants you to be and spreading His gospel.

God loves you. No matter what. Period.

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Daniels fast – Day 4

All the yummy food around me! Not even meals but the smell of snacks are everywhere!
I went to a mom group Tuesday and they had homemade breakfast there for everyone to eat & boy did it look and smell good! I was trying to look at other things besides peoples plates, haha! Also glad I ate before I went!
Making food for our kiddos isn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
Mister was fixing grilled cheese and pepperoni sandwiches & mentioned that he caught himself twice wanting to pop a pepperoni in his mouth. I have had the same impulse throughout the day. It’s funny that something you did all the time becomes such a habit and you notice it more when you aren’t able to do that habit.

I’ve still been reading in the book of Daniel but I’ve also started reading in the book of Proverbs.
I have also noticed a slight difference in my yelling towards my kiddos. My goal is not stop yelling at my kiddos, period. My patience with them is getting longer, which is a good thing!

I’m trying to build habits during these 21days that will last after our fast is over with.

Happy to report that Mister and I haven’t broken our fast and I pray we can make it!

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Week long fast – day 2 (08/30/12)

Today was a little¬†better than yesterday. I still had the urge to go on Facebook. The motion of doing it still wanted to take over but I didn’t! This is harder than I thought. As much as I want to give up – I will not!

Had another heart to heart with God today. It wasn’t as nice as yesterday. I was honest with Him with my feelings. Wait, I am always honest with Him with my feelings but not out loud. I have a fear of the Lord and I think that’s why I have never spoken to Him out loud. Not sure what the difference is because He knows my true feelings anyway. Things seem to be getting worse while on this fast. I think that I was naive when going into this fast. Thought things would turn around quickly and I would see/hear things change. Yea not happening like that.

I was talking with a really¬†good friend of mine tonight about how today went (I have been texting¬†her nightly since I started this fast) and she told me some things that I needed to hear. I love that she is honest with me about things and doesn’t just pat my back and tell me things will be ok. She told me that things will get worse and that I needed to speak to satan and tell him a few things. I agree with her very much and will be having a nice little chat with satan tomorrow afternoon. He will not win this! I will! And I am only winning because I have Jesus in my corner. I am nothing without Him and would loose everything if He weren’t with me.

Today has been an angry day for me. I am angry at a few things. I let God know how I was feeling and what I wanted Him to do. Now I know that He cannot do everything and that I have to take steps in order to do what He wants me to do and what I want for my family and life. I also know that He can tell where to go, who to talk to, and how to do all this. I am scared and nervous about all this. For one because it’s new to me and I feel silly talking to air. And second because I know that satan will want to attack me more because I am doing this and afraid of what satan will try to do. On the other hand I know that I have nothing to fear because God is with me….always! He will never let anything happen to me. I believe Gods promises.

I didn’t read during nap time today. I needed to have a pity¬†party so I had it when my kiddos couldn’t see me. I am going to write in my prayer journal tonight and read more in Proverbs.

I will not give up. I will finish this fast. Something great will come out of this.

Thank you to those who are supporting, loving, and praying for me during this time. It’s definitely a growing period but I am also thinking that it is bringing me closer to God. Thank you ūüôā

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BandAngels

First off, the name alone is enough to make you stop and wonder what this product is! At least that’s what it did for me! I went to their website to see what BandAngels were all about. First impression was ‘Ok-cool..bandaids.’ Then it went to “Awesome-they put Bible scriptures on them.’ I, then, read why they came up with BandAngels & knew that I wanted to help spread the word of their product! Not only are they cute but encouraging for kids and a great way to slip lessons and verses in there when teaching them to your child. (Cause lets be honest-they don’t always want to listen when they know you are trying to teach a lesson).

We didn’t have many accidents that required a band-aid until the other day when my daughter fell and scraped her knee. They stick like regular band-aids and they are cuter and tell a much better story then some of the other characters you can find on band-aids.

These are my daughter just showing them off because once she saw them she HAD to have one on!

This is the one of her scraped knee!

Here is some of their story:
¬†He realized how millions of children‚Äôs parents hurt when their children hurt ‚Äď whether it‚Äôs from insulin injections or minor cuts and scrapes. How powerful would it be to put healing bible verses and angels right on that wound? And the Band Angels were born.

Please visit www.bandangels.net to read Tim & Tami came up with BandAngels.
Also ‘like’ them on Facebook to stay in touch with them! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bolthouse-Farms/168420860652?v=wall#!/bandangels?ref=ts

*I received this product at no charge to me and all opinions are my own*