0

From the heart of an 11 year old young man. 

These are songs that my 11 year old son wrote himself and brought to Mister and I. I held back tears when reading these. I will cherish and keep these papers forever! I pray he continues to write these songs!


Jesus is my savior

Oh God we come and sing for your glory today. Where we go. Jesus is my savior and lord for all. No one can stop him from the spirit of God. Yeah (repeat 2x). Jesus is my savior for me and you. Oh oh oh. The flowers in spring will shout your name (echo repeat 2x). There’s no other God but you. You are the spirit in us. Jesus is my savior. Am for you (repeat). 

AMEN (repeat 2x)

We love you lord of all God. 

Fire in my heart 

There is a fire spreading in my heart. He’s love is like a foreign my heart. My heart is on fire because of my God is with me (repeat 2x). It’s like my heart is melting with God. Yeah (repeat). He is the only one we shall worship. Who loves us!!

Jesus (repeat)

And his love never fails on me. Yeah. Oh oh oh ohhhh. Because there is fire in my heart (repeat). Yeah. 

We are a flower blooming

In God we trust. It’s so great and powerful. Your name is great and your song is sung. In the name of Jesus there is power (repeat). We are a flower blooming in the sun where your spirit holds in place. For everyone believes in you shall have eternal life with with you in heaven. Because your our God. We are a flower blooming in your hands of Jesus Christ. Dear God thank you for our song. Thank you for listening to it. 

AMEN!!!

We are flower blooming for you. Now you can make what you wanted it to be. And we can help you with anything you want us to do. And WE are a flower blooming in your hands. 

Fire from the ocean 

Lord we come and praise you. And we are going to sing to you. Where we go. Oh lord we come from a fire in the ocean. You died for our sins that we made. Ohhohoh (repeat). We come for the fire in the ocean. And you washed our faith and made it new. We praise you with our heart, with our mind, with our soul, and strength. We love you with our heart. Yeah. Oh lord we come from a fire in the ocean. Hallelujah. Praise the lord. Say it loud so he can hear you. We come from a fire in the ocean. We will for real to come with you to heaven (repeat). We are a fire in the ocean. 

0

#365daysofthanks – 2/365

Today is January 2nd.

I was actually struggling to find something to be thankful for all day. It just wasn’t a very good day here in our house. We had moments but overall, I’m glad it’s bed time.

I was originally going to say that I was thankful for the rain we are getting today. We live in Texas and are currently in a severe drought, stage 5 to be exact. So when we get rain, everyone is thanking God for it.

Then I got to thinking that I really needed to look for something that might not be so obvious, something that wasn’t right in my face.

Everyone had had gone to bed and it was close to 9pm and still hadn’t found something to write about. And then I was playing with Emma, just her and I. And I looked in her eyes and thought, man am I so thankful for you!

(In case you are new or don’t remember, as I didn’t and had to go back and read it, here are my thoughts when I finding out I was pregnant with our 6th child)

I wasn’t always so excited that this baby would be here. I didn’t want this baby to be here. now when I look at her, I can’t imagine my life without her. She is only 5 months old and it feels like she’s been much longer than that and other times it feels like she just got here. The majority of the time (when I have those moments to reflect) it feels like she was always supposed to be here. And I know that she was in His plans the whole time. I love her so much it hurts sometimes. I cherish her a bit more than my other babies because I feel like she is my last baby. I probably won’t have these moments again. I know that I need to soak them up as much as I can.

I am so thankful for this baby that I cried about when I found out that I was pregnant with her and wished that God would give her to someone else (true story. I even told God who I wanted him to give my baby to). I am so glad He didn’t listen to  me. I’m so glad that He gave her to me. Emma will always be my baby and be my own personal proof that His plans are always better than mine.

 

0

#365daysofthanks – 1/365

Today is January 1st, 2015. The first day (technically night as of right now) of a brand new year. Today starts 365 days of me saying what I’m thankful for for an entire year. I’m really hoping to complete this. I’ve started things before but have never finished it. I want to complete this! (Here is my original post of where this started)

Today I am thankful that I have started reading to my kiddos every night. We started on the first book of a series that no one had read before. We are now on book 4. Not only do I look forward to this time with them, my kiddos do also. My two year old will ask throughout the day “read?” I love that they are enjoying this.

I picked up about 3 books each for the kiddos at the library and told them that when they wanted to read them to do so. They’ve actually been doing it! I help B & C read their books and read Lily her books. I absolutely love reading and books! I have yet to have any interest in getting a nook or kindle. I love having a book in my hand. To turn the pages. To smell the pages of a new book. Those are things that I cannot get from a piece of plastic.

I am just thankful to have this time with them every night and that they are enjoying it as much as I am.

0

#reallifemommiemoments

Happy Friday!

Now, onto a mom rant!

For the past few weeks I have been volunteering up at my local library (been enjoying it more than I thought!) and haven’t had the time to do much around the house. Once I get home from the library, it’s time to get the kiddos from school, then it’s on to homework, dinner, usually some extracurricular activity, story (if time allows), and then bed time for the kiddos. I am exhausted, to say the least, by this time. I usually try to clean up from dinner, get a load in the dishwasher going, and a load in the washing machine before heading to bed myself.

Well this past week I haven’t been able to get up to the library due to having either a sick Mister and/or sick kiddos. This means that I’ve been home more this week but I still haven’t accomplished anything. My house is still a mess, laundry (clean & dirty) is still piled a mile high. Dishes are piling up faster than I can keep up. My mop & broom have put in for their retirement because they haven’t been put to work in so long. At least the trash is being taken care of! We have our tree but there’s nothing on it yet and it’s not even in the spot we want it. (How many more days until it’s too late to put it up?!)

I am just a whiny cracky mess lately.

As I sit here writing this trying to get my two year old to listen, cross my fingers that my 4 month old enjoys her swing long enough for me to write this, and make sure my two sickies are taken care of all I can think about is none of this will matter next week, month, year. None of this chaos is going to traumatize anyone (well maybe the mop & broom when they figure out they can’t retire). The mess will always be there. Laundry means my family has clothes. Dishes mean my family has full bellies. My dogs mean that we are in a spot where we can enjoy family pets. And Christmas will always come back around. I try (and it’s very hard for me most times) to focus on the well being of my family rather than the look. By look I don’t mean that I don’t care if they are dirty/bathed/combed kinda thing. What I mean by look is that I am not trying to portray my family as something it’s not. My house isn’t spotless. My house is used/lived in, not a display case. I have little people running/over taking my home 95% of the day. A spotless house is on my list but it’s many years done the line. What is at the top of my list is that my family is alive, healthy, and the house is still standing by the end of the day. Whatever I can get done in between those things is just a bonus.
This is also something that drives me crazy! I want to have a spotless house with a white picket fence and a tire swing hanging from the tree. I want things organized and in it’s place. I want to walk through my house without stepping/tripping over something. I want to be able to open my front door and not feel the need to apologize for what it looks like. I cannot wait for the day what I want happens.

Until that day comes, if ever, I will do my very best with what I can do now. It’s not your house nor your life. It’s different, not wrong. We all have some sort of chaos going on in our life.

For now I will try to push aside all this stress and frustration and overwhelmingness that I have because my list isn’t getting done & my house looks like a mess &&&&&…..

I will take one moment at a time. It’s all I can do since my plans never fall in place and never go the way that I want them to. Let me get through sick kiddos. Let me survive until nap time. Let me have a clean plate to eat lunch off of. Let me go because I am praying that wasn’t the school that just left a message telling me I have another kiddo sick!

3

#30daysofthanks

You all know this hashtag by now, I mean it is the end of November.

I think that I always jump on this bandwagon every year. I don’t think there’s ever been a year that I actually completed 30 days. And seeing the lack of posts in my newsfeed by the end of the month, I’m not the only one. They say 21 days makes a habit but I can never make it that far into the month, ha!

So, if I don’t finish my #30daysofthanks, does that mean I’m not thankful!?

Absolutely not!

I think we should be thankful for everything, everyday. I know that more people are than aren’t. I understand why it’s more focused on in November. This time of year brings to our attention why we should be thankful for what we have and how great our lives actually are. Our focus kinda gets put on the back burner the other 95% of the year. I can totally see how and why that happens. Life happens. Life gets in the way. Our lives are our bubbles and sometimes the things that happen in our bubble are just so consuming that we forget to look outside our bubble. What happens in my bubble may not be a big deal in your bubble and vice versa. We tend to not be as merry and bright the rest of the year. We don’t put as much emphasize on giving and others the rest of the year.

Or maybe you & your family does. I know that our daily events get in the way I/we forget or choose not to focus on it. I’ve got a lot going on in my life daily that I’d rather not think of everyone else’s problems. As harsh as that may sound, it’s true and I know I’m not the only that thinks like this. It’s not meant to be mean or offensive to anyone but it is the truth.

Let me be real with you right now. My attitude, words, and thoughts have been anything but thankful these couple of days, almost a week. I see myself being thankful in certain moments or when things go a certain way. I’m seeing that I’m not so thankful when those moments aren’t going my way or something unexpectedly happens that throws a wrench in my plans. I have been spewing words of anger, hate, and just plain nasty words to my family. This is not ok. This isn’t me being the best me that I can be. This isn’t me setting a good example for my children. This isn’t me being a safe/happy place for my family to enjoy. I’m wallowing in my own self pity and getting so mad about something that won’t even matter next week. And if it will matter next week, it’s not even a big deal. I am not liking this side of me at all. I feel awful and horrible about how I’ve been treating my family and the words that have been coming out of my mouth. I am ashamed and would be embarrassed if anyone overheard me.

 

And so because of this, I am giving myself a challenge. You can join me if you’d like, you can help hold me accountable, you can just simply read my posts, or you can do nothing. All are acceptable and perfectly fine for you.

Starting January 1, 2015 I am going to be posting what I am thankful for every day for 365 days. It seems like a big task and. Bit overwhelming. I mean, I can’t even post for 30 days what I’m thankful for, what makes me think that I can do 365? I have no idea! But I am going to challenge myself. This is something that I am doing for myself and no one else. I’m not proving anything to anyone. The one reason I am making a public statement is, mostly, for accountability. Plus, I know someone else out there will need to check their attitude & words also. I’m not the only person out there having this negative nancy on their shoulder.

Im putting a stop to it before it gets too far out of hand. I’m the only person that can control this. I’m the only person that can make myself change. I cannot do it for anyone else but myself. I’m sure that by the end I will be a happier person.

Will I have days where I don’t want to find the good and be thankful for something? Yes. Will it be hard to come up with so many things? Sure. Will I miss a day? Or two? Probably! In the end though, it’s not about how many days in a row I did this. Or how many days in a row I missed. It’s a heart thing. It’s a happy heart thing. It’s always about the heart. Good and evil. It’s a heart and mindset kinda thing.

Let’s change our hearts & minds so that we can become the change we want to see I our spouses, kiddos, family members, friends, and communities. Sounds super cheesy, I know.

But I also know that it’s true.

0

41 weeks, Baby #6

image
Thanks again to my 8 year old professional photographer 😉

I am a day early in posting my weekly update but I figured since I had my appointment this morning & there really is no reason to wait one day.
So here is the recap from week 40 & my appointment!

I have still had a lot of pressure going on. One morning this week (I cannot remember the exact date right now) I woke up at 5am to contractions and they were anywhere from 10-20 minutes apart. They kept going for 2 hours and then completely stopped. I thought maybe if I walked then things would get moving again. I got the girls ready (2 boys were still sleeping & 1 boy was at summer school) and I figured I would just walk around our house for a bit. I ended up walking for 30 minutes. Nothing. Been eating jalapenos with at least one meal a day. Nothing. I have been doing pressure points in my feet. Nothing. Eating pineapple also. Nothing. I know that a lot of people have been suggesting sex but because of a work related accident, as a precaution, we have been using protection when we have sex. So the theory that his sperm will do anything to start labor, just won’t work this time around. Not saying we haven’t tried this time around but not sure how well it will work. I have also had my bloody show for days now….nothing is coming from this sign either!
This child must be too cozy to even think about coming.
I had two days worth of a headache plus swelling in my feet that went along with it. I called my dr to make sure there wasn’t any cause for concern. The temps have been higher this week & I wasn’t sure if that was causing the swelling or it was connected to the headaches somehow. She told me what my blood pressure should be. Told me that when I took whatever medicine I was taking for the headache to have a soda with it. I did what she said & my headache went away within 30-60 minutes. I will have to remember this & do it every time I have a headache!

Everything checked out for me and Baby W this morning. Nothing to be concerned about.
Only gained a pound or 2 since last week. Blood pressure was fine. Baby’s heartbeat was 147.
Last week I was dilated 2cm, this week I am 3cm. I am 50% effaced and at a -2. She didn’t strip my membranes this time because she said there wasn’t much to strip. I’m taking that as a good thing?!
We talked about scheduling an induction & what she wanted to do for that. She wants to start me out using a bulb that they fill up with saline water. After checking me she said she wasn’t sure how much it would help since I am dilating on my own & contracting on my own. She wants to do this before using Pitocin. If she needs to use Pitocin with me, then she will use a slower drip compared to her patients that aren’t having a vbac.

My induction is scheduled for 5:30am on Sunday morning. I have to call the hospital at 4:45am to make sure that there is a bed available for me. That is going to be an early morning!!

I am hoping & praying that I can get things going on my own between now and then. I would much rather not be induced! Will try everything I can over these next few days to get contractions going on my own. Prayers about/for this would be much appreciated!

The next update will have a picture of Baby W in it!!!! 🙂

0

When will this baby come!?

I don’t have this answer.

What I do know is that I am trying my hardest to relish what time I have left of this pregnancy. This could be the last time I feel one of my children from the inside. The last time that I carry around a belly that sparks conversation no matter where I go. The last time that I feel little hiccups that make my belly jump.
I have been pregnant more than I haven’t. I’ve never gone very long without carrying a baby inside me. The thought that this could be my last time, throws me back a bit. To not experience any of this again is a little mind blowing.

As my days are numbered with this little one growing inside my belly, I’ve been thinking about all this. I’ve become a bit emotional about it. Half of me wants to stay pregnant as long as I possibly can and the other half wants to get this show on the road so I can meet this baby!
I’m not sure what to do with or how to process all these emotions at one time and in such a short amount of time.

I know this baby will come on His terms. No matter what I do, this baby’s birthday is completely out of my hands. Again, part of me is completely fine with that and part of me is not.

I want to hold this baby. I want to smell that newborn smell. I want to experience labor & delivery one more time. I want to meet our 6th child.

I don’t normally blog this late but my thoughts aren’t letting me relax and I needed to get this out. My mind is going rapidly and a crazy these last few days because this pregnancy is coming to an end…..and very soon.

All I want is a healthy baby and a successful vbac delivery.

Oh and to hold Landon or Emma 🙂

0

40 weeks, Baby #6

 

So here we are….40 weeks & 1 day. Baby W has decided that it’s not time to come and he/she just isn’t ready to grace us with their presence.
Here is a recap of 39 weeks.

Besides just feeling pressure, there wasn’t much going on & no change in anything.
Wednesday evening me & a bestie went walking to try and get things started. We walked 2 miles. Then I came home and went to the store with Mister = more walking. Then we Googled pressure points to help induce labor & then Mister rubbed those points. Nothing came from any of those efforts.
Another bestie of mine has been out of town helping one of her family members & Mister said that this baby is probably waiting on her to come back into town. Well, she stopped by yesterday and told Baby W that it was ok to come anytime now! We’ll see how well Baby listens 😉
And then last night happened. We had eaten dinner, our family that is in town had gone back to their hotel, and the kiddos were getting ready to have a cupcake. I was sitting on the couch & I felt a ton of pressure building up on the under part of my belly. At first I figured that it was just pressure and nothing would come from it. Well then it started to build again and I had to close my eyes and concentrate & then the discomfort/pain went down. These contractions started to be consistent & started to become more painful. Mister finally said that I needed to start timing them. He could tell by the way that I was acting & getting irritated when people talked to me that these were the real deal. At first I wasn’t sure just because of the way they felt. They weren’t what I remembered with my other 4 labors (I never labored with baby #5). I said that I would start timing them after I went to the bathroom. Went to the bathroom and decided to get my shower in at that time instead of waiting until later in the evening…just in case. Nothing happened after I got up from the couch. Everything stopped. No pain. No contractions. No nothing. I was so bummed. I really thought it was about to be go time. Since it stopped, we did the pressure points again. Nothing happened over night. This takes us to this morning (Friday). I had my appointment this morning and was ready to see what the dr would have to say & see if I had dilated more since last week.

Everything checked out just fine with me (weight & blood pressure). We talked about induction options. There is a small chance that my uterus could rupture period because of having a prior csection. My risk increases (not by much) when you put the option in of using pitocin. I would really not like to add a higher chance of my uterus rupturing if it’s not needed. My dr knows this and we are on the same page. She will allow me to go all of next week to go into labor on my own but if I don’t, then we will schedule an induction for the last week of July. She asked if I wanted to be checked and I said yes. I wanted to know if I dilated more with everything that was going on. I am still at 2cm, no biggie. I asked her if she would do a membrane sweep & she said she would. I told her to go ahead and do it. Boy was that more painful than I remember! Of course I had some spotting afterwards and have had some cramping but that’s to be expected. My next appointment is scheduled for Wednesday the 23rd if there is no baby before then.
Hopefully I can get this baby to come on his/her own! I do not want to be induced or have another csection! I will continue to try natural ways to get things moving & pray it works!
If something happens between now and my next appointment, I will definitely update 🙂

image
40 weeks & 1 day (July 18, 2014)

0

Week 39, Baby #6


I do feel like I am carrying around a watermelon most days!
image
Exactly 1 week until this little is due! I cannot believe these last 20ish weeks have gone by so quickly!

Let’s recap week 38!

Lots of pressure and cramping going on this week. No bloody show yet either. At my last appointment, I was almost 3cm dilated. So I know that this discomfort is doing something productive! My next appointment won’t be until next Friday unless this little one comes before that. I really had a feeling that this baby would make his/her appearance this week. I know the week isn’t over yet but I am running out of days. I’m not worried about which day this baby decides to come on, I am more concerned about having a healthy baby & a successful vbac.
Something that I hadn’t thought of until Mister brought it up was will my labor feel any different from my other labors before having the csection. He brought it up because of having nerves & muscles cut. I have no idea if it will or not but it’s probably something that I should pay attention to. I think he brought it up because I have been having cramping on my sides that lead to cramping in my abdomen that are consistent for a little while but then stop….just like contractions. I am waiting for those contractions that make you stop and hunch over and make you focus on breathing…that’s a contraction to me. Though I do have to say that when I was in labor with Coleman (baby #4) my labor started with cramping under my belly area. I know that each labor is different no matter what but it is something to think about & pay attention to. Definitely not trying to have this baby in a car or anywhere like that!

I have been feeling more and more tired. It is very hard for me to get up in the mornings now. I am sleeping until almost 10am on some days. I don’t really like it because I feel like half my day is already gone by then.
I feel sick randomly throughout the day. Which makes it difficult to eat. I’ll get hungry, get something to eat, and then feel sick & cannot eat it.
I am also feeling irritated out of nowhere. Nothing happens to irritate me. I don’t want to be touched or talked to. This feeling usually only happens to me when I am labor. Mister thinks that I could be laboring at these moments but don’t even notice it.

I am pretty sure that I have everything ready for this baby. The only thing that we need to do is clean out the truck and then put the car seat in. We are planning on doing that before this weekend is over….just so stinking hot outside!
I would say that the only other thing that needs to be done is Mister fixing a corner of the little bed that we have & used for Lily. The corner broke on it. But that isn’t something that needs to be done ASAP since we will be co-sleeping with Baby W.
Other than that, everything is ready to go! Just need baby to fill out these clothes and diapers!

I have other things that I would like to get done around the house (still) before the baby comes but that’s pretty much a never ending story. After I finish one thing I find something else that I want to get done. Doing what I can until it’s go time. Not trying to over do anything but definitely wanting to get these things checked off my list…..I think that’s the perfectionist in me though.

Over all, who knows when this baby is going to come. All I know is it will be a July baby. This baby has a deadline and will come out sooner rather than later. It’s just fun to hear when everyone thinks Baby W will get here. We are all excited to meet him/her & find out whether we have a Landon or an Emma. It’s the anticipation that is getting to me at this point. I just cannot wait to hold this little one in my arms and smell that new baby smell!

Here Baby W and I am at 39 weeks exactly:

image

We shall see if I make a 40 week update or a Baby W update…..which will come first!?

 

14

Mind = blown

I have said this a few times on the blog, on Facebook, and to friends & family but it still blows my mind that I will be giving birth to my 6th (!) child some time this month. 6 little people that depend on me to help them make it through life…alive! I have to teach them good. I have to make sure they aren’t lumps on a log when they grow up and leave the nest. But mostly importantly, I have to make sure that I don’t lose my mind in the mist of all this!

It probably won’t sink in 100% until I am holding our 6th child. The number 6 just blows my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because this is a number I never wanted nor thought that I would have or what. As much as it upset me when I found out that we were having another baby, I cannot express how happy & excited I am to bring this little one into the world! I cannot wait to see what he/she looks like, what kind of personality it will have, and if this baby will be a Landon or an Emma. What will this kiddo bring to our family?

It’s very obvious that our lives will changing adding another family member but I just pray that it’s for the best. I pray that we guide all our children in the right direction. I pray that we make the changes that we need to be able to what God has called us to do.

I still wake up and can’t believe that when I look down, I have a pregnant belly. Some mornings I wake up and forget that I am pregnant until I touch my belly or get up.
It amazes me that I went 20 weeks without knowing that this little person was growing inside me. It amazes that this life has been given to me and entrusted in my care. Out of everyone God could have chosen to be his/her mom, He chose me. I will never know the answer to this question, nor does it even matter at the end of the day. What matters is that I do my best every day to provide this child (and all my children) what he/she needs.

Even though it was a rocky start between me and this baby, I am so very thankful for this baby. I know that there are plenty of women out there that would switch places with me in a heart beat. This baby has taught me so much about my faith, friends, and God & he/she isn’t even born yet.

I love this baby and cannot wait to see his/her squishy little face in the very near future!