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For the love, stop saying sorry!

This may be a short rant or a long drawn out thing…ya just never know with me!

We, moms & women, need to stop saying sorry all the time. I cannot count how many times a picture is posted and the first few words are

Sorry for my non-make up face. 

Sorry for the clothes in the background. 

Sorry for my messy hair. 

Sorry for my kids fave being messy. 

Sorry for this. 

Sorry for that.

Stop saying sorry! No one would’ve even noticed those things of you wouldn’t have brought them up yourself. And even if they did, who cares. Why are we apologizing for these things?! 

Are we really sorry for these things? Do we think there is a certain way we/our kids/our house/our car has to look in order to share a milestone or event or just a cute kiddo face?! 

Why is it that a friend cannot come over to your house without you feeling the need to apologize for the way your house looks?! I mean, you have kids for crying out loud! I’m not coming over to your house to inspect it….I’m coming over to spend time with you. 

Same applies with your car. Who cares?! 

I am so fend up with hearing sorry come from women’s mouths when it’s not even something to be sorry about. 

sor-ry [sor’ńď] adjective, feeling pity or sorrow, regret

A Students Dictionary, Dictionary Projext Inc. 

Please tell me why you are feeling pity about these things? What do you regret? 

For the love, shut up & stop saying sorry! 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you allow your natural beauty to show rather than a made up version for yourself. 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you allow your kiddos to play all around your house. 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you throw your hair in a messy bun rather than making sure every hair is in its place. 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you allow others to see the real you rather than what you think society wants to see. If you have a friend or family member who cannot understand this, then please, kick them to the curb. If they are that insecure for you about your life, can you imagine how doubly insecure they are about their own life?! Not enough popcorn for all that drama! 

Embrace yourself and life. There’s nothing wrong with letting things be messy or real or raw. Do not aplogize for living your life and putting the important things first. 

Love the mess and those who help make it! 

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No yelling: Day 4 – now

So I obviously didn’t do a very good job of blogging the week that I wasn’t going to yell. I also didn’t do a very good job of not yelling. I have yelled every day from the first post until now. I don’t know how to not yell. I get to point where talking doesn’t work. I’m tired of being given respect by my kids. I can and will only take so much before I have hit my limit.

I have, however, stopped myself in some moments and just began to talk in a normal voice. That doesn’t happen very often but I’m glad when it does. It helps me calm down and I’m sure they enjoy it more when I’m just talking vs yelling. I wish I could do that every time. I wish I wasnt a yeller. Again, I don’t know how to not yell. Maybe one day I wont, I hope sooner than later.

I know the area in which I need to work on. It’s the ‘in the moment’ moments that I’m terrible at. I can tell myself all day long what I need to do but when I am in the middle of those moments, it all goes out the window. I always fall back into the same cycle that I don’t want to be in…..the crazy cycle!

I will break this cycle and beat it. I don’t when or what will be the magic ingredient but I will!

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No yelling: Day 2 & 3

Well I can’t say that I’ve been very successful at this no yelling thing. All I want to do is blame the kiddos and say that if they wouldn’t whine/cry/complain/do what kids do then I wouldn’t have to yell. But in the end, it’s not their fault and blaming them would be a lie. It would be a copout. It would be childish of me. It would be wrong.

Do their attitudes,whining, cry, and other emotions get under my skin? Absolutely! They wear on me to the point that is like nothing better to do than pull my hair out and send them on a hike! I would like to control the volume and sound just like a TV with them. I would like to duct tape them to the wall so they can’t push, shove, and hit each other. Boy, would that make life a bit easier!

I have to swallow my pride and only blame myself for my attitude and actions. I need to learn techniques that have me step back, take a moment, and then deal with whatever is going on. I don’t always have to argue back, have the last word, or be right. What I should always strive for is to solve the problem not add to it. I shouldn’t have to feel so drained within the first 30 minutes of them being home from school. I shouldn’t have a countdown of when they go back to school in the back of my mind. I need to change my mindset. I need to change the way I deal with things and maybe it’ll run off on them. What a concept I just thought of!
{insert sarcasm}

The sad part is that I already know all this stuff. I know that I should back off and then deal with my kiddos. I know that I need to set the example to them on how to deal with conflict and unfairness and other people. All I’m showing is anger and loss of control. Horrible example to my kiddos.

I need to make the effort to do what I know I should be doing. All my kiddos are doing is a reflection of what I’m doing. And I’m getting mad at them for being just like me! So silly!

All my kiddos are over being sick, I’m out of the house today, and all my school aged kiddos have a Christmas party at school today I’m going to make an effort to think before I speak and/or act. I am going to set a new tone and example in my house. I’m going to be the change I want to see in my kiddos.

If not me, then who?

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No yelling, Day 1

I was too tired to update last night, so you’ll probably get two posts today….lucky you ūüėČ

Yesterday was a fail. I am always good until the kiddos get home from school. I think that’s just because there is so much going on with so many people at one time between homework/school folders and snack time. They are all done with school & I want to get folders and homework taken care of. So in less words, our agendas don’t match.

Yesterday’s frustration started on our way home from school. We walk from the school (like a 10 minute walk) and it never fails that one kiddo whines about it. Well yesterday C-man had his tantrum about walking home. He pulled on my hand, let go, and then landed on the ground. I don’t play these games so I kept walking. He sat on the ground yelling at me that he hated me. I turned around, told him that I wasn’t waiting for him, to watch what he was saying to me, and kept walking. I guess he didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t entertaining this tantrum and got up to catch up with us. That’s where it started for me.

C-man also had a bit of homework that he needed to make up from missing school all last week. He started acting up doing this. I get that he didn’t want to do it all & I wasn’t going to make him do it all in one day. I was trying to be firm with him about just getting some done & to stop acting the way he was. I am not completely sure that I was yelling but I sounded louder than I wanted to be in my head.
Then as I was making dinner I was getting frustrated because no matter how many times I make it or what temperature I have the stove-top on, I (almost) always burn a grilled cheese sandwich! Never fails this happens. This is what we were having for dinner and my frustration was getting bigger. Now that I am typing it out, it seems so silly that I was getting that upset about making a grilled cheese sandwich.

Get it together woman!!

C-man had an issue with what was for dinner and Emma wasn’t having it that she wasn’t being held by me, and a few kiddos were complaining that their tummy was hurting.
Ok, so dinner was done, pjs were getting on, and then a kiddo coughed & threw up. Great. Another one down with the stomach bug. So I had to clean up the floor while trying to tell Bailea to stay in her room & that she had to wait a minute for whatever it was she wanted and trying to tell Mister that he needed to keep the dogs outside longer so that I could clean up.
I wasn’t upset with Dom that he had gotten sick on the floor, I was upset about the situation. I tried very hard to keep everyone else away from Mister when he came home sick with the stomach bug last week. Apparently my efforts failed.

I was just beyond frustrated at this point and let out a loud ‘AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH’
And then I felt a little better.

I just needed to sit for awhile and just mindlessly be on Facebook or play those dumb games I have on my phone to just chill out. It worked and then I went to bed.

I will save what has happened this morning for the post later tonight!

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#reallifemommiemoments

Happy Friday!

Now, onto a mom rant!

For the past few weeks I have been volunteering up at my local library (been enjoying it more than I thought!) and haven’t had the time to do much around the house. Once I get home from the library, it’s time to get the kiddos from school, then it’s on to homework, dinner, usually some¬†extracurricular¬†activity, story (if time allows), and then bed time for the kiddos. I am exhausted, to say the least, by this time. I usually try to clean up from dinner, get a load in the dishwasher going, and a load in the washing machine before heading to bed myself.

Well this past week I haven’t been able to get up to the library due to having either a sick Mister and/or sick kiddos. This means that I’ve been home more this week but I still haven’t accomplished anything. My house is still a mess, laundry (clean & dirty) is still piled a mile high. Dishes are piling up faster than I can keep up. My mop & broom have put in for their retirement because they haven’t been put to work in so long. At least the trash is being taken care of! We have our tree but there’s nothing on it yet and it’s not even in the spot we want it. (How many more days until it’s too late to put it up?!)

I am just a whiny cracky mess lately.

As I sit here writing this trying to get my two year old to listen, cross my fingers that my 4 month old enjoys her swing long enough for me to write this, and make sure my two sickies are taken care of all I can think about is none of this will matter next week, month, year. None of this chaos is going to traumatize¬†anyone (well maybe the mop & broom when they figure out they can’t retire). The mess will always be there. Laundry means my family has clothes. Dishes mean my family has full bellies. My dogs mean that we are in a spot where we can enjoy family pets. And Christmas will always come back around. I try (and it’s very hard for me most times) to focus on the well being of my family rather than the look. By look I don’t mean that I don’t care if they are dirty/bathed/combed kinda thing. What I mean by look is that I am not trying to portray my family as something it’s not. My house isn’t spotless. My house is used/lived in, not a display case. I have little people running/over taking my home 95% of the day. A spotless house is on my list but it’s many years done the line. What is at the top of my list is that my family is alive, healthy, and the house is still standing by the end of the day. Whatever I can get done in between those things is just a bonus.
This is also something that drives me crazy! I want to have a spotless house with a white picket fence and a tire swing hanging from the tree. I want things organized and in it’s place. I want to walk through my house without stepping/tripping over something. I want to be able to open my front door and not feel the need to apologize for what it looks like. I cannot wait for the day what I want happens.

Until that day comes, if ever, I will do my very best with what I can do now. It’s not your house nor your life. It’s different, not wrong. We all have some sort of chaos going on in our life.

For now I will try to push aside all this stress and frustration and overwhelmingness that I have because my list isn’t getting done & my house looks like a mess &&&&&…..

I will take one moment at a time. It’s all I can do since my plans never fall in place and never go the way that I want them to. Let me get through sick kiddos. Let me survive until nap time. Let me have a clean plate to eat lunch off of. Let me go because I am praying that wasn’t the school that just left a message telling me I have another kiddo sick!

2

I’m a selfish best friend

Disclaimer: this is my pity party. I am writing this the same day that I received the news. This will be published days after the news was broke to me. I know this makes me sound incredibly selfish and not a very good best friend at all but this is how I honestly feel. This is me being real with my initial feelings about this. Will I always feel like this? No. Will it take time? Yes. (This was written on 11/24/14). 

 

My mind is all over the place, my heart is broken, there’s a constant lump in my throat, and tears ready to run down my face at any given moment.

^ This is how I’ve been feeling all day today since this morning when my best friend told me that she was moving. I feel like kicking and screaming and demanding that she isn’t allowed to do this to me.

I’ve always had friends. I don’t ever remember a time that I didn’t have friends. Friends come and go. Some stay for awhile and some are gone as fast as they developed. Some make us stronger, some make smarter, and some make us better. I’ve had all kinds of friends. I’ve had great friends and I’ve had friends that have stabbed me in the back. I have a few friends that I call real friends. A few that are best friends. And even fewer friends that I call family. This girl is family.

I’ve ¬†only met this friend a little over a year ago. I didn’t even know she existed until September (maybe) of 2013. We’ve grown close fast and I wouldn’t¬†trade any of what I’ve been through with her…..even if it meant she wouldn’t move. I feel like a little girl who’s friend is moving and they just cry and cry.

I was so shocked when I read the Facebook message from her. At first I wondered why she didn’t tell me in person but on the other hand I was glad she didn’t because I probably would have started crying. And not the pretty cry either, the dreaded ugly cry. As thrilled as I am for her & her family (and I truly am), I would like nothing better than if everything just fell apart & they ended up staying here. I know that is incredible selfish of me. I know that no best friend really wants this to happen. I know that this is part of Gods plan for them. I know that I want the best for the her (and her family), even if that means I can’t be apart of her daily life anymore.

There was so much that I was looking forward to doing with her and her new born daughter. Our girls are only 4 months apart. I thought we were going to raise them together. I thought they’d grow up together and be bffs. I am now having to put my wants aside and plan new things.

(I know all this may sound pathetic to some that I am this upset about my friend moving but there are those few friends who mean so much more than just another friend.)

She’s only moving two hours away, so day visits aren’t out of the question. I would get to visit a city that I’ve never been to. Those are the only positives that I can find right now. Plus, I’m the only one here that knows she’s moving. I can’t even have a pity party with our other friends about this! It’s going to happen so quickly too. They are planning on being moved and settled into their new lives by the first of the year. I won’t have time to process much of this by the time she gone.

And my 2 year old. My 2 year old daughter absolutely loves her. Tells me she wants her all the time. The smile and happiness that spreads all over her face when she sees her Gigi is irreplaceable. I hope she takes this news better than I am. Plus side is, again, she’s only two hours away.

Im still trying to process what I was told, the time in which it’s happening, and the fact that she won’t be here anymore. Why now? Why this fast?

I have other friends and best friends here in this town & I don’t want any of them moving and would be just has upset if they told me this news. I thought our circle would be here forever and we’d raise our kiddos together and be old before our circle was broken up. I am just so sad. But I know these plans aren’t mine and they aren’t even hers, they are His and they are perfect.

I will miss you so much friend.

2

Mommie and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Yesterday evening was one of those days. I was just irritated with all of my children for their behavior. Their lack of respect for me. The fact that they took over an hour and a half to clean the living room, which isn’t that big to begin with. The fact that they whined about everything they were told to do.
They were able to play all day & do what they wanted. At 5pm yesterday is when I told them it was time to clean up the living room & kitchen area. All messes they made. I don’t know why they choose not to listen & clean up after themselves. I don’t know why I have to repeat myself several times a day, everyday. Aren’t they tired of hearing me yell!? Aren’t they tired of spending their free time cleaning up!? Aren’t they going to learn that if they pick up as they go then they won’t have to spend their free time cleaning!? Don’t they get it!?

Wait! Don’t I get it?! Don’t I get that my approach hasn’t been working?! Don’t I get that by me yelling isn’t accomplishing anything productive!? Don’t I get that maybe I should try something different with them?! Don’t I get that my way of doing things isn’t their way of doing things!? They are 4 (Kiddo #5 isn’t really old enough right now, though I am trying with her) different people who think, act, process, and do things 4 different ways.

This isn’t some ‘ah ha’ moment that I had for the first time yesterday. It’s something that I have known for awhile but haven’t learned to change my behavior in these moments. I can think clearly afterwards but I cannot go back and change the damage that I have already caused. I need to learn how to fix my approach and attitude before I can even begin to think that my children will change theirs. It starts with me. I am the example for these 5 children. If I react with rage, anger, hurtful words, & chaos…why in the world would I think that they would react any differently than me!?

If I want them to act differently towards me than I need to be the one to show them how to treat me. This concept isn’t new and is clearly stated in the Bible: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets”, Matthew 7:12 NIV.
So if it spells it out clearly how I should treat others, why do I think that my way would work better than the Bible!? I am crazy to even think that would work! I need to get my head on straight and start living what I believe.

I haven’t stopped thinking about this since I kept replaying the evening in my head. It had been bothering me. It has been sitting heavy on my heart. Usually when this happens, I think about it, say I am going to change, and then fall back into the same trap. This time feels differently within me. I am ready to change my ways in order to show my children how to treat people. Just because I (or any of them) get upset with someone, doesn’t mean that my actions/words are justified. I need to remain calm & think before I speak and act. Mmmmm, sounds like something that I tell my children. Maybe I should start practicing what I am preaching!?

Today is a new day.
Today I start over.
Today I have already messed up.
That’s ok.
I can still start over and not have to wait for a new day.
I can start over in a new hour, 1/2 hour, & minute.
I need to take things slowly.
I need to think before I speak. If that means that I listen to what my children have to tell me and then tell them that I need to think about it before I deal with the situation, then that’s what I need to do. I need to be more aware of what I am projecting. I need to be intentional about my actions and words. I am the example. If I want our family to live & be different than the world, then it starts with me. I cannot expect my wants for my family to happen if I cannot show, not just tell, them how to act & speak.

It starts with me.
It starts today.

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Real life moments

I know I’ve been gone for months now! Life has been super busy and, to be honest, have been at a loss for words or I wasn’t sure how to put my thoughts into words that made sense.

But I think that streak is over….at least for now ūüėČ

The first Friday of November was the first moms group that my church held and it was awesome! We did a craft, heard some great & wise words, and shared. Our speaker shared something that has started to turn inside me and  now sharing with others on Facebook. I will get a copy of this asap!

What I have started on my personal page is share pictures and/thoughts that are my real life moments. So many of us just share the rainbows and sunshine on Facebook. There’s nothing wrong with sharing the great things that are going on in our lives but it does make it a tad bit harder to connect with others if we aren’t sharing the not so great moments.

I have a friend who actually shared her real life moment today! I’m so proud of her because I know it’s not easy and it opens the door to so much judgement from others. Keep sharing those moments!

I’ll make a separate post with everything I’ve shared already, probably will get that up tonight.

Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know that it’s ok to share those real life moments, you aren’t the only one going through these moments!

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Someone always has it worse than you

This statement is true.
This statement will always be true.

A friend of mine on fb posted a status the other day talking about how the next time you want to whine/complain about something, think about those who are going through something serious.

Welp¬†I am officially tired of Dr. offices! And with the scare I am dealing with I am amazed¬†at people on facebook¬†that complain over the tiniest little things! “I have a headache”, “I cant¬†sleep”, “I’m tired of the cold.” I’m not calling myself perfect but I am DEFANTLY¬†not going to complain about anything that is small just to get pity ever again! This seriously saddens me, especially when most o…f the things you complain about YOU CAN FIX!! It’s time for you to LIVE not complain. Live for yourself, your babies, your family, your friends, and your future! Sometimes people have life altering experiences and life changing experiences and those people don’t give a DAMN about your headache they are just happy to see the next day when they wake up! Next time you complain think about someone who has it way way¬†worse then you! *END OF RANT*
I absolutely agree with her. No matter what you are going through someone is always going through something worse. Some people would gladly take your situation over the one they are in, in a heart beat!
With that being said, it’s not always easy to remember this in those moments. I think we all want a pity party about what we are going through. I think it’s almost normal. I think that we need to take time to have a pity party…it’s part of the process.
What I don’t think we need to do is always air it for the world to see/hear. Sometimes it does some good, but you know what I am talking when people cross that line.
I know that for myself¬†I need to have a pity¬†party, feel sorry for myself, and then deal with whatever is going on. When I don’t do this I sometimes end up stuffing inside and then every little thing makes me 100x madder than it normally would.
I also know that we all live in our own bubbles. We feel for people and have empathy for others going through things/hard times. But I think it’s hard to put ourselves in their shoes especially if it’s not something that they have been through before. We don’t always think about others & their problems during our day to day shuffle. We don’t always think of others problems until we are actually sitting and not doing anything or when they bring it back up to you. It’s not that we don’t care about what’s going on in your bubble, it’s just that our bubble is crazy too….just with different crazy things.
We also shouldn’t compare our bubble with¬†other peoples’ bubble. They will never be the same & it’s a waste of time to compare. Not that we shouldn’t have empathy towards others, but it’s absolutely pointless to compare.
Someone will always have it worse than you.
Someone will always have it better than you.
Someone will always have a pity party.
Someone will always step over that line.
Be thankful for what you have.
Be thankful for the problems that you are going through. They make you stronger. They teach you things you wouldn’t have learned without going through this problem.
Be thankful for people in your life that allow you to complain to them.
Be thankful in knowing that you are never alone.
Be thankful that you have 1st world problems.
Be thankful you are alive so that you can complain about what is going on in your bubble.
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You are enough

I have recently seen many links being shared on Facebook about being a mother and that it’s ok if things aren’t perfect. And you know what?! It’s true. Just because we aren’t like Suzie Q down the street doesn’t mean that we are less than or that our children are getting the short end of the stick. Our children don’t need things so they can have a great childhood. They don’t need the latest and greatest to have fun.

We, as parents, need to remember that if the house is still standing and your kiddos survived another day, than it was a great day!
And sometimes, this is all that happens in my house. I don’t do a darn thing other than the basics in my house…..bellies are fed and diapers are changed. I don’t always like those days but sometimes that’s all that I can do.

We aren’t going to have Martha Stewart days. Stop beating yourself up because you didn’t live up to someone else’s expectation. We are not to compare ourself with others. We are not to do/be what others do. Our little bubbles are different in some many ways than others. We have different life happenings.

What you did yesterday, do today, tomorrow, and every day after that is enough. Feed your kiddos¬†ice cream for dinner and cake for breakfast. Feed them McDonald’s on the days you don’t feel like cooking. Let them play out in the dirt and send them to bed without a bath because you are too tired/stressed/busy. I promise that they will wake up the next morning being happy.

I think that society has made it so hard for mothers (I am sure fathers too but I am focusing on mothers right now) to just enjoy their kiddos.

They have said that we have to make everything from clothes to food for them.
We have to make sure that everything is organic & if you give your child anything but than you aren’t doing your child justice.
You can’t let them get dirty or else it might mean something negative about our parenting.
We can’t¬†discipline our children or we are depriving them.
Everyone has to be a winner.
We have to stress ourselves out so much for the happiness of our children. And then we wonder where this self entitlement came from.
If you ask yourself that question about your kiddos, please stop reading and go look at yourself in mirror.

We don’t have to do anything extra for our children.
Whatever it is that you are doing, you are doing enough.

You are enough!

Stop looking at others. Stop trying to be something you are not.
We aren’t all cut out to be a working mother, stay at home mother, homeschooling mother, crafty mother, cooking/baking mother. We all have different talents and instead of trying to do what everyone else says what we need to be doing….focus on what we are good at and just be with your kiddos.

There is nothing wrong with just being with them.
We don’t need to plan every second of their life.
Just simply be with them.

If you fixed breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack out of a box. You are enough.
If you go to the store & don’t buy something for your child.¬†You are¬†enough.
If you had your child without brushing their teeth/hair before bed. You are enough.
If your house is messy & you are having a great time with your kiddos. You are enough.
If you go to bed without cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, laundry, whatever else. You are enough.

There is nothing wrong with what you are/aren’t doing.
I am so tired of this stupid debate that others want to keep having.
Your worth has a parent¬†isn’t because of what you buy, what activities your kids are in, if your child has a tantrum in public, or because you step on legos because they weren’t picked up.
Worry about the values, ethics, and character that you are giving your children.
Things go away, awards tarnish, and beauty fades.
Memories. Values. Ethics. Character. That’s what stays and will give your child a great childhood.

Your worth as a mother isn’t what you buy for your kiddos.

Relax. Smile. Have fun with your kiddos.
You are enough.