Disclaimer: this is my pity party. I am writing this the same day that I received the news. This will be published days after the news was broke to me. I know this makes me sound incredibly selfish and not a very good best friend at all but this is how I honestly feel. This is me being real with my initial feelings about this. Will I always feel like this? No. Will it take time? Yes. (This was written on 11/24/14).
My mind is all over the place, my heart is broken, there’s a constant lump in my throat, and tears ready to run down my face at any given moment.
^ This is how I’ve been feeling all day today since this morning when my best friend told me that she was moving. I feel like kicking and screaming and demanding that she isn’t allowed to do this to me.
I’ve always had friends. I don’t ever remember a time that I didn’t have friends. Friends come and go. Some stay for awhile and some are gone as fast as they developed. Some make us stronger, some make smarter, and some make us better. I’ve had all kinds of friends. I’ve had great friends and I’ve had friends that have stabbed me in the back. I have a few friends that I call real friends. A few that are best friends. And even fewer friends that I call family. This girl is family.
I’ve only met this friend a little over a year ago. I didn’t even know she existed until September (maybe) of 2013. We’ve grown close fast and I wouldn’t trade any of what I’ve been through with her…..even if it meant she wouldn’t move. I feel like a little girl who’s friend is moving and they just cry and cry.
I was so shocked when I read the Facebook message from her. At first I wondered why she didn’t tell me in person but on the other hand I was glad she didn’t because I probably would have started crying. And not the pretty cry either, the dreaded ugly cry. As thrilled as I am for her & her family (and I truly am), I would like nothing better than if everything just fell apart & they ended up staying here. I know that is incredible selfish of me. I know that no best friend really wants this to happen. I know that this is part of Gods plan for them. I know that I want the best for the her (and her family), even if that means I can’t be apart of her daily life anymore.
There was so much that I was looking forward to doing with her and her new born daughter. Our girls are only 4 months apart. I thought we were going to raise them together. I thought they’d grow up together and be bffs. I am now having to put my wants aside and plan new things.
(I know all this may sound pathetic to some that I am this upset about my friend moving but there are those few friends who mean so much more than just another friend.)
She’s only moving two hours away, so day visits aren’t out of the question. I would get to visit a city that I’ve never been to. Those are the only positives that I can find right now. Plus, I’m the only one here that knows she’s moving. I can’t even have a pity party with our other friends about this! It’s going to happen so quickly too. They are planning on being moved and settled into their new lives by the first of the year. I won’t have time to process much of this by the time she gone.
And my 2 year old. My 2 year old daughter absolutely loves her. Tells me she wants her all the time. The smile and happiness that spreads all over her face when she sees her Gigi is irreplaceable. I hope she takes this news better than I am. Plus side is, again, she’s only two hours away.
Im still trying to process what I was told, the time in which it’s happening, and the fact that she won’t be here anymore. Why now? Why this fast?
I have other friends and best friends here in this town & I don’t want any of them moving and would be just has upset if they told me this news. I thought our circle would be here forever and we’d raise our kiddos together and be old before our circle was broken up. I am just so sad. But I know these plans aren’t mine and they aren’t even hers, they are His and they are perfect.
I will miss you so much friend.