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For the love, stop saying sorry!

This may be a short rant or a long drawn out thing…ya just never know with me!

We, moms & women, need to stop saying sorry all the time. I cannot count how many times a picture is posted and the first few words are

Sorry for my non-make up face. 

Sorry for the clothes in the background. 

Sorry for my messy hair. 

Sorry for my kids fave being messy. 

Sorry for this. 

Sorry for that.

Stop saying sorry! No one would’ve even noticed those things of you wouldn’t have brought them up yourself. And even if they did, who cares. Why are we apologizing for these things?! 

Are we really sorry for these things? Do we think there is a certain way we/our kids/our house/our car has to look in order to share a milestone or event or just a cute kiddo face?! 

Why is it that a friend cannot come over to your house without you feeling the need to apologize for the way your house looks?! I mean, you have kids for crying out loud! I’m not coming over to your house to inspect it….I’m coming over to spend time with you. 

Same applies with your car. Who cares?! 

I am so fend up with hearing sorry come from women’s mouths when it’s not even something to be sorry about. 

sor-ry [sor’ē] adjective, feeling pity or sorrow, regret

A Students Dictionary, Dictionary Projext Inc. 

Please tell me why you are feeling pity about these things? What do you regret? 

For the love, shut up & stop saying sorry! 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you allow your natural beauty to show rather than a made up version for yourself. 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you allow your kiddos to play all around your house. 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you throw your hair in a messy bun rather than making sure every hair is in its place. 

You have nothing to be sorry about when you allow others to see the real you rather than what you think society wants to see. If you have a friend or family member who cannot understand this, then please, kick them to the curb. If they are that insecure for you about your life, can you imagine how doubly insecure they are about their own life?! Not enough popcorn for all that drama! 

Embrace yourself and life. There’s nothing wrong with letting things be messy or real or raw. Do not aplogize for living your life and putting the important things first. 

Love the mess and those who help make it! 

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Lamp & Light

I follow a lady named Kristin Schmucker on instagram. Towards the end of October she announced that she was hosting a photo challenge for the month of November & I decided to jump on that and participate.

lamplight

I did get days behind and then had to play catch up but I am happy to report that I actually did all 30 days! I usually start these things and then finish them….go me!!

I was going to share the pictures from instagram to facebook but then I thought that I would just put them all here & add the description that I wrote along with it.
I don’t really know why I choose to share this way but oh well, I did!

My tattered bible along with the current bible study I’m doing.#lampandlight #day1 #imbehind#playcatchup #novemberphotochallenge#bible @kristinschmucker#kristinschmucker

Reminds me to always know that the bad that happens is to bring Him glory!#lampandlight #novemberphotochallenge#day2 #genesis50:20 #playcatchup#imbehind #favoritebibleverse@kristinschmucker #kristinschmucker

One of my favorite mugs. Given to me by a great friend as a Christmas present. Every time I use it I think of her and all the fun we have together!#novemberphotochallenge #lampandlight#day3 #mugshot @kristinschmucker#kristinschmucker

My Bible study spot…..where I’m comfortable and snuggly & if I fall asleep while studying (which happens often), I don’t have to get up and move! 😜
#lampandlight #biblestudyspot #day4#novemberphotochallenge@kristinschmucker #kristinschmucker

I have many goals that I’d like to accomplish in my life. At the end of the day I know none of that matters if I’m still the old me. It’ll take time but I know that my ultimate goal is to be a better me than I was yesterday.
#lampandlight #day5 #playingcatchup#goals

The book of Proverbs is an instructional manual in my opinion. It can tell how you act and what to say. So much wisdom is within those pages.
#lampandlight #day6 #playingcatchup#day6 #proverbs #bookinthebible

As much as they drive me questions and even question I was given an army of mini me’s, these little people have made my world better. They have taught me so much and made me step out of my comfort zone to give them a better life. I love them and they certainly my small blessings.
#lampandlight #day7 #playingcatchup#smallblessings #mykiddos

A prayer in my bible from a few years ago. #lampandlight #day8#playingcatchup #anoteinyourbibe #prayer

This is one of my favorite quotes. My dad used to say this all the time when I was growing up and it’s so true.
#lampandlight #favoritequote#playingcatchup #day9

This has been something that’s been laid upon my heart for at least 6 months, if not more. It’s something I’m praying about and asking God to tell me where and how I should do this.
#lampandlight #onyourheart#playingcatchup #day10 #titus2:3-4

This journal is one of my favorite things. A great friend gave it to me and it’s a place where I can create and draw out the Word when it touches me.
#lampandlight #afavoritething#playingcatchup #day11 #biblejournal#create #givenbyafriend

I know that I’m given grace ever second of my day but to be able to wake up every morning and start from a clean slate is the biggest sign of grace to me.
#lampandlight #areminderofgrace#playingcatchup #day12 #sunrise #grace

There are too many to list but this seems to be one of the biggest prayer requests I have right now. A house. One that will fit us more comfortably than the one we are currently in. One that we can call home.
#lampandlight #day13 #caughtup#aprayerrequest #aplacetocallhome

“We bring the kingdom come” We Christ followers are the ones who bring the kingdom to others on a daily basis. Not only do I love this lyric but I love this song!
#lampandlight #day14 #favoritelyric#webringthekingdomcome #jasongray#witheveryactoflove

A dream would be for Mister to be a stay at home dad with me.
#lampandlight #day15 #dream#stayathomedad #stayathomeparents#freedom #timeandmoney

My memory today is my grandparents on my moms side. I miss them much and it saddens me to no end at what they are missing out on. I’d give almost anything to have them back!
#lampandlight #memory #grandparents#wishtheywerestillhere #mcgrew#missthem #lovethem

 These two things are always on my to do list. There are others but laundry & dishes take most of my time.
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day17#todolist


 I love her story and think she is a great example of what you do doesn’t define you & anyone can change.
#lampandlight #characterinthebible #day18#rahab

Nature can give us signs of life & death but has a way of making it look so beautiful. It’s almost thanksgiving and though most trees are turning and leaves are falling, they still are so green! And that blue sky….I just love me a Texas clear blue sky!
#lampandlight #day20 #nature #texassky#fall #trees #lifeanddeath #beautiful

When I study scripture or just read my Bible, I have my purple pen, Bible, and my journal. I never know when a verse will hit me and I want to be ready to journal it.
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day21#howistudyscripture

I have to be honest and say that I haven’t read Psalms enough to have a favorite verse from this book. Think I know what book I’ll be reading next!
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day22#favoritepsalms #bookofpsalms


This is a book that helped me to be involved where I feel led/called to be involved in. I’ve cut out the ‘extras’ and just concentrating on my calling.
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day23#abook #calling #thebestyes#lysaterkeurst


  This word is one that I’ve taken to heart over these last few months to a year & a half. My joy cannot and will it be stolen by anyone or any situation that life throws me. I choose joy. Bad things can happen but my joy still remains.
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day24#joy #cantstealmyjoy #ichoosejoy

This will always be home to me. I’ve lived in many places but Virginia will always have a special place in my heart.
#lampandlight #day25 #myhome #virginia#specialplaceinmyheart


  
Me! You! We are all attributes of God. We are made in His image!
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day27#anattributeofgod #me #you#madeinhisimage
  This is so true and definitely something I’m thankful for!
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day26#whatimthankfulfor #friends #family

   We are mixed up, crazy, tired, annoying, real, and all of this equals a beautiful mess.
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day28#abeautifulmess #welkerfamily #family#welkerkiddos #welker


  It took awhile to figure out how we were going to announce that we were expecting baby number 6 but I love how this turned out. Things can change with one step (literally & figuratively) and our step was adding two more feet to our family.
#lampandlight #playingcatchup #day29#aphotoilove
PS- just want to say that I am NOT pregnant. I tried to word it so it explained a previous pregnancy announcement but it didn’t come across that way.
I’ve been saying this for as long as I can remember & it’s so true.
#lampandlight #day30 #wordstoliveby

 

There is my 30 day photo challenge! Hope you enjoyed it…..let me know if you did this one too! Now onto my December challange!!!<<<<Let me know if you will do this one with me!

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Who am I?

Well, this can/is a hard question to answer. I had a friend on Facebook post who she was. Take her or leave her kinda thing. I imagined she felt freer after she posted it. Maybe those in her life found out things they didn’t know. Loved her more for putting herself out there. I’m not exactly sure why but ever since I read her post, I wanted to do the same. Lay myself out there. Not one person knows all of me. This post won’t allow you to see all of me but it’ll give you more than you probably already know. I have no idea why I feel the need to share any of this with you, but when I am told to do something, I suck it up and listen. I might add that I don’t listen immediately but I try to follow Him and His nudges. 

I can tell you my name. I can tell you what I do. I don’t necessarily think those things define who I am. 

My name is Trel. 

I am a mother, daughter, wife, aunt, daughter in law, granddaughter, friend, sister, step sister, step daughter, niece. 

I clean dishes, wash clothes, wash dishes, heal boo-boos, read stories, play games, listen to problems, fix problems, play dress-up, color, cook meals, and much more. 

But who am I? What do I like? What are my passions? Weakness? Strength? What makes me laugh? Makes me angry? Calms me? What do I believe? Who do I believe in?

I may not know 100% what all these answers are or have more than a few answers, but I do know one thing about myself. I’m complicated. I don’t always understand why I do/feel/think what I do. 

Here are things that I do know about myself:

I love with all I have. I’m a jealous person. I forgive when others tell me I deserve not too. I anger easily. I laugh at inappropriate times. I am inappropriate. I hold back when I should give all. I can be rough. I hurt others. I miss those not in my life deeply. I don’t so well with change. I shove my sadness and frustration down until I just explode. I can tell you all day long how to do something or how to handle a situation but I cannot always practice what I preach. I have the mouth of a sailor most days. I regret. I love to help people. I crave being with my friends and mister. I don’t appreciate what I have. I take my bubble for granted. I suck at admitting I’m wrong. Even harder for me to say I’m sorry. I get clingy but hold back. I start to question things when my friendships reach a certain point. I would do more if I had more to give. I need a partner, I am not good being a leader by myself. I fail daily. I believe in God. I am a Christ follower. I believe what the Bible says. I believe that there is only one way to heaven. I believe everyone has the free will to choose what they believe. My actions/words do not always match my beliefs. When I’m hurting, you probably wouldn’t even know it. I’m good at putting on a smile. I’m a horrible liar, my face will tell on me. I cannot eat/drink something I do not like. No matter how full my life/plate is, I want to help others. I take tons of notes that I, usually, never look at again. My anxiety is ridiculous. Organization calms me. But you wouldn’t know it with the way my house looks. My children have taught me more than I could have ever imagined. I am slapped in the face daily by them…not always a bad thing. I fail them daily. I hope I don’t have to pay for therapy in their future. They make me become more filter less. More courageous. They have made myself build a stronger backbone. My nonsense meter is very low. I have no room for drama in my life…my children’s drama is enough. I am ungrateful. My thanks aren’t enough.  I am forgiven. My mistakes don’t outweigh my worth. Tomorrow is always a new day. The next week/day/hour/minute is another chance for me to be better. I am the least perfect and put together person you will meet. I am a mess. I don’t have all the answers….though my life would be easier if I did. I’m not proud of my past but it’s part of my story. I won’t know what I have until it’s gone though I pray I don’t wait that long to ‘get it’. I trust too quickly but not as quickly as I used to. I’m nice to everyone but I don’t like everyone. If you could hear my inner voice and the goings on of my brain, you would be frightened. I am crazy. I think too much. I like to but if put in a corner, I will fight to the death. I’m impatient. I have to check myself before I wreck myself….daily. I am messy. I talk a hundred miles a minute. I get depressed. I have high highs. I am just a mess trying to do my best and please God. I eat too much. I am so thankful I’m not allergic to chocolate. 

This is me (and more than what I can verbally say). Take me or leave me. I’m not here to please you or make you happy. I don’t apologize for who I am but I am working on making me better. There is always more of me you don’t know or understand (I don’t even understand most days). 

This is me. Trel. 

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Meal planning…long overdue update

Well, I think it’s been about a year (or close to) that I started posting about my meal planning routine. I don’t even remember what I talked about or what that routine was. 

Since starting my MP sidekick and seeing that we weren’t planning our meals very well (again), I knew it was time to start putting effort into this again. The only thing I forgot to do was keep track of the budget. I’ll be sure to do that for he next time. 

Since its summer time, I’m now having to include breakfasts and lunches into my planning. I like variety so I knew we couldn’t just have cereal or sandwiches all the time, boooooring! We do have these but it’s not on an every day basis. 

I have 9 breakfast items and 5 lunch items that I just in rotation. There’s no reason that I need to become a Pinterest mom for these meals. They are fed and that’s all that matters. 

Dinner is where I will try need recipes or something that we haven’t had in awhile. Dinner is where we are choosing to not do a rotation. Mister and I have decided that we don’t want to get burned out for these meals. For some reason breakfast and lunch doesn’t bother us, it’s just dinner where we don’t want the same thing over and over again. 

I plan out meals two weeks in advance. I shop a week at a time and buy any produce we may need the day before we will use it. We waste too much money buying the produce before we need it and it ends up going bad and is having to buy it again. That’s frustrating and is dipping into our budget that we, honestly, cannot afford to keep doing. Now I just have to remember to make a habit out of checking for the produce items the day before. 

Here is what my meal planning looks like:

   

First I feel the need to say that the meal doesn’t have to be on the date it’s written for. This used to be the way it had to be! I would get upset and start to panic a bit (sounds so silly when I say it out loud) when the meal wasn’t made on the date that it was written for. As much as it still drives me crazy, I don’t freak out about it if I have to move meals around. 

The highlighted meals are the ones we’ve eaten. That’s just so I can keep track of the food and meals. 

When I write out the shopping list, I just go meal by meal. If I need more than one of something, I try not to write it twice but instead do this: bread x4. That way when I go to the aisle this item is in, I don’t have to scan the whole list, I can just look to see how many I need. 

So far this is working for me. Keep in mind I’ve only been doing this for a week. I really want to keep it up and make this out normal instead of trying new technic and new technic……ain’t nobody got time for that!

I figured I would update after a week and I think I’ll do another update after I’ve been doing this for a month. Next time though I will include the budget, if I can remember 😜

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No yelling: Day 4 – now

So I obviously didn’t do a very good job of blogging the week that I wasn’t going to yell. I also didn’t do a very good job of not yelling. I have yelled every day from the first post until now. I don’t know how to not yell. I get to point where talking doesn’t work. I’m tired of being given respect by my kids. I can and will only take so much before I have hit my limit.

I have, however, stopped myself in some moments and just began to talk in a normal voice. That doesn’t happen very often but I’m glad when it does. It helps me calm down and I’m sure they enjoy it more when I’m just talking vs yelling. I wish I could do that every time. I wish I wasnt a yeller. Again, I don’t know how to not yell. Maybe one day I wont, I hope sooner than later.

I know the area in which I need to work on. It’s the ‘in the moment’ moments that I’m terrible at. I can tell myself all day long what I need to do but when I am in the middle of those moments, it all goes out the window. I always fall back into the same cycle that I don’t want to be in…..the crazy cycle!

I will break this cycle and beat it. I don’t when or what will be the magic ingredient but I will!

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No yelling: Day 2 & 3

Well I can’t say that I’ve been very successful at this no yelling thing. All I want to do is blame the kiddos and say that if they wouldn’t whine/cry/complain/do what kids do then I wouldn’t have to yell. But in the end, it’s not their fault and blaming them would be a lie. It would be a copout. It would be childish of me. It would be wrong.

Do their attitudes,whining, cry, and other emotions get under my skin? Absolutely! They wear on me to the point that is like nothing better to do than pull my hair out and send them on a hike! I would like to control the volume and sound just like a TV with them. I would like to duct tape them to the wall so they can’t push, shove, and hit each other. Boy, would that make life a bit easier!

I have to swallow my pride and only blame myself for my attitude and actions. I need to learn techniques that have me step back, take a moment, and then deal with whatever is going on. I don’t always have to argue back, have the last word, or be right. What I should always strive for is to solve the problem not add to it. I shouldn’t have to feel so drained within the first 30 minutes of them being home from school. I shouldn’t have a countdown of when they go back to school in the back of my mind. I need to change my mindset. I need to change the way I deal with things and maybe it’ll run off on them. What a concept I just thought of!
{insert sarcasm}

The sad part is that I already know all this stuff. I know that I should back off and then deal with my kiddos. I know that I need to set the example to them on how to deal with conflict and unfairness and other people. All I’m showing is anger and loss of control. Horrible example to my kiddos.

I need to make the effort to do what I know I should be doing. All my kiddos are doing is a reflection of what I’m doing. And I’m getting mad at them for being just like me! So silly!

All my kiddos are over being sick, I’m out of the house today, and all my school aged kiddos have a Christmas party at school today I’m going to make an effort to think before I speak and/or act. I am going to set a new tone and example in my house. I’m going to be the change I want to see in my kiddos.

If not me, then who?

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#reallifemommiemoments

Happy Friday!

Now, onto a mom rant!

For the past few weeks I have been volunteering up at my local library (been enjoying it more than I thought!) and haven’t had the time to do much around the house. Once I get home from the library, it’s time to get the kiddos from school, then it’s on to homework, dinner, usually some extracurricular activity, story (if time allows), and then bed time for the kiddos. I am exhausted, to say the least, by this time. I usually try to clean up from dinner, get a load in the dishwasher going, and a load in the washing machine before heading to bed myself.

Well this past week I haven’t been able to get up to the library due to having either a sick Mister and/or sick kiddos. This means that I’ve been home more this week but I still haven’t accomplished anything. My house is still a mess, laundry (clean & dirty) is still piled a mile high. Dishes are piling up faster than I can keep up. My mop & broom have put in for their retirement because they haven’t been put to work in so long. At least the trash is being taken care of! We have our tree but there’s nothing on it yet and it’s not even in the spot we want it. (How many more days until it’s too late to put it up?!)

I am just a whiny cracky mess lately.

As I sit here writing this trying to get my two year old to listen, cross my fingers that my 4 month old enjoys her swing long enough for me to write this, and make sure my two sickies are taken care of all I can think about is none of this will matter next week, month, year. None of this chaos is going to traumatize anyone (well maybe the mop & broom when they figure out they can’t retire). The mess will always be there. Laundry means my family has clothes. Dishes mean my family has full bellies. My dogs mean that we are in a spot where we can enjoy family pets. And Christmas will always come back around. I try (and it’s very hard for me most times) to focus on the well being of my family rather than the look. By look I don’t mean that I don’t care if they are dirty/bathed/combed kinda thing. What I mean by look is that I am not trying to portray my family as something it’s not. My house isn’t spotless. My house is used/lived in, not a display case. I have little people running/over taking my home 95% of the day. A spotless house is on my list but it’s many years done the line. What is at the top of my list is that my family is alive, healthy, and the house is still standing by the end of the day. Whatever I can get done in between those things is just a bonus.
This is also something that drives me crazy! I want to have a spotless house with a white picket fence and a tire swing hanging from the tree. I want things organized and in it’s place. I want to walk through my house without stepping/tripping over something. I want to be able to open my front door and not feel the need to apologize for what it looks like. I cannot wait for the day what I want happens.

Until that day comes, if ever, I will do my very best with what I can do now. It’s not your house nor your life. It’s different, not wrong. We all have some sort of chaos going on in our life.

For now I will try to push aside all this stress and frustration and overwhelmingness that I have because my list isn’t getting done & my house looks like a mess &&&&&…..

I will take one moment at a time. It’s all I can do since my plans never fall in place and never go the way that I want them to. Let me get through sick kiddos. Let me survive until nap time. Let me have a clean plate to eat lunch off of. Let me go because I am praying that wasn’t the school that just left a message telling me I have another kiddo sick!

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#30daysofthanks

You all know this hashtag by now, I mean it is the end of November.

I think that I always jump on this bandwagon every year. I don’t think there’s ever been a year that I actually completed 30 days. And seeing the lack of posts in my newsfeed by the end of the month, I’m not the only one. They say 21 days makes a habit but I can never make it that far into the month, ha!

So, if I don’t finish my #30daysofthanks, does that mean I’m not thankful!?

Absolutely not!

I think we should be thankful for everything, everyday. I know that more people are than aren’t. I understand why it’s more focused on in November. This time of year brings to our attention why we should be thankful for what we have and how great our lives actually are. Our focus kinda gets put on the back burner the other 95% of the year. I can totally see how and why that happens. Life happens. Life gets in the way. Our lives are our bubbles and sometimes the things that happen in our bubble are just so consuming that we forget to look outside our bubble. What happens in my bubble may not be a big deal in your bubble and vice versa. We tend to not be as merry and bright the rest of the year. We don’t put as much emphasize on giving and others the rest of the year.

Or maybe you & your family does. I know that our daily events get in the way I/we forget or choose not to focus on it. I’ve got a lot going on in my life daily that I’d rather not think of everyone else’s problems. As harsh as that may sound, it’s true and I know I’m not the only that thinks like this. It’s not meant to be mean or offensive to anyone but it is the truth.

Let me be real with you right now. My attitude, words, and thoughts have been anything but thankful these couple of days, almost a week. I see myself being thankful in certain moments or when things go a certain way. I’m seeing that I’m not so thankful when those moments aren’t going my way or something unexpectedly happens that throws a wrench in my plans. I have been spewing words of anger, hate, and just plain nasty words to my family. This is not ok. This isn’t me being the best me that I can be. This isn’t me setting a good example for my children. This isn’t me being a safe/happy place for my family to enjoy. I’m wallowing in my own self pity and getting so mad about something that won’t even matter next week. And if it will matter next week, it’s not even a big deal. I am not liking this side of me at all. I feel awful and horrible about how I’ve been treating my family and the words that have been coming out of my mouth. I am ashamed and would be embarrassed if anyone overheard me.

 

And so because of this, I am giving myself a challenge. You can join me if you’d like, you can help hold me accountable, you can just simply read my posts, or you can do nothing. All are acceptable and perfectly fine for you.

Starting January 1, 2015 I am going to be posting what I am thankful for every day for 365 days. It seems like a big task and. Bit overwhelming. I mean, I can’t even post for 30 days what I’m thankful for, what makes me think that I can do 365? I have no idea! But I am going to challenge myself. This is something that I am doing for myself and no one else. I’m not proving anything to anyone. The one reason I am making a public statement is, mostly, for accountability. Plus, I know someone else out there will need to check their attitude & words also. I’m not the only person out there having this negative nancy on their shoulder.

Im putting a stop to it before it gets too far out of hand. I’m the only person that can control this. I’m the only person that can make myself change. I cannot do it for anyone else but myself. I’m sure that by the end I will be a happier person.

Will I have days where I don’t want to find the good and be thankful for something? Yes. Will it be hard to come up with so many things? Sure. Will I miss a day? Or two? Probably! In the end though, it’s not about how many days in a row I did this. Or how many days in a row I missed. It’s a heart thing. It’s a happy heart thing. It’s always about the heart. Good and evil. It’s a heart and mindset kinda thing.

Let’s change our hearts & minds so that we can become the change we want to see I our spouses, kiddos, family members, friends, and communities. Sounds super cheesy, I know.

But I also know that it’s true.

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I’m a selfish best friend

Disclaimer: this is my pity party. I am writing this the same day that I received the news. This will be published days after the news was broke to me. I know this makes me sound incredibly selfish and not a very good best friend at all but this is how I honestly feel. This is me being real with my initial feelings about this. Will I always feel like this? No. Will it take time? Yes. (This was written on 11/24/14). 

 

My mind is all over the place, my heart is broken, there’s a constant lump in my throat, and tears ready to run down my face at any given moment.

^ This is how I’ve been feeling all day today since this morning when my best friend told me that she was moving. I feel like kicking and screaming and demanding that she isn’t allowed to do this to me.

I’ve always had friends. I don’t ever remember a time that I didn’t have friends. Friends come and go. Some stay for awhile and some are gone as fast as they developed. Some make us stronger, some make smarter, and some make us better. I’ve had all kinds of friends. I’ve had great friends and I’ve had friends that have stabbed me in the back. I have a few friends that I call real friends. A few that are best friends. And even fewer friends that I call family. This girl is family.

I’ve  only met this friend a little over a year ago. I didn’t even know she existed until September (maybe) of 2013. We’ve grown close fast and I wouldn’t trade any of what I’ve been through with her…..even if it meant she wouldn’t move. I feel like a little girl who’s friend is moving and they just cry and cry.

I was so shocked when I read the Facebook message from her. At first I wondered why she didn’t tell me in person but on the other hand I was glad she didn’t because I probably would have started crying. And not the pretty cry either, the dreaded ugly cry. As thrilled as I am for her & her family (and I truly am), I would like nothing better than if everything just fell apart & they ended up staying here. I know that is incredible selfish of me. I know that no best friend really wants this to happen. I know that this is part of Gods plan for them. I know that I want the best for the her (and her family), even if that means I can’t be apart of her daily life anymore.

There was so much that I was looking forward to doing with her and her new born daughter. Our girls are only 4 months apart. I thought we were going to raise them together. I thought they’d grow up together and be bffs. I am now having to put my wants aside and plan new things.

(I know all this may sound pathetic to some that I am this upset about my friend moving but there are those few friends who mean so much more than just another friend.)

She’s only moving two hours away, so day visits aren’t out of the question. I would get to visit a city that I’ve never been to. Those are the only positives that I can find right now. Plus, I’m the only one here that knows she’s moving. I can’t even have a pity party with our other friends about this! It’s going to happen so quickly too. They are planning on being moved and settled into their new lives by the first of the year. I won’t have time to process much of this by the time she gone.

And my 2 year old. My 2 year old daughter absolutely loves her. Tells me she wants her all the time. The smile and happiness that spreads all over her face when she sees her Gigi is irreplaceable. I hope she takes this news better than I am. Plus side is, again, she’s only two hours away.

Im still trying to process what I was told, the time in which it’s happening, and the fact that she won’t be here anymore. Why now? Why this fast?

I have other friends and best friends here in this town & I don’t want any of them moving and would be just has upset if they told me this news. I thought our circle would be here forever and we’d raise our kiddos together and be old before our circle was broken up. I am just so sad. But I know these plans aren’t mine and they aren’t even hers, they are His and they are perfect.

I will miss you so much friend.

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41 weeks, Baby #6

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Thanks again to my 8 year old professional photographer 😉

I am a day early in posting my weekly update but I figured since I had my appointment this morning & there really is no reason to wait one day.
So here is the recap from week 40 & my appointment!

I have still had a lot of pressure going on. One morning this week (I cannot remember the exact date right now) I woke up at 5am to contractions and they were anywhere from 10-20 minutes apart. They kept going for 2 hours and then completely stopped. I thought maybe if I walked then things would get moving again. I got the girls ready (2 boys were still sleeping & 1 boy was at summer school) and I figured I would just walk around our house for a bit. I ended up walking for 30 minutes. Nothing. Been eating jalapenos with at least one meal a day. Nothing. I have been doing pressure points in my feet. Nothing. Eating pineapple also. Nothing. I know that a lot of people have been suggesting sex but because of a work related accident, as a precaution, we have been using protection when we have sex. So the theory that his sperm will do anything to start labor, just won’t work this time around. Not saying we haven’t tried this time around but not sure how well it will work. I have also had my bloody show for days now….nothing is coming from this sign either!
This child must be too cozy to even think about coming.
I had two days worth of a headache plus swelling in my feet that went along with it. I called my dr to make sure there wasn’t any cause for concern. The temps have been higher this week & I wasn’t sure if that was causing the swelling or it was connected to the headaches somehow. She told me what my blood pressure should be. Told me that when I took whatever medicine I was taking for the headache to have a soda with it. I did what she said & my headache went away within 30-60 minutes. I will have to remember this & do it every time I have a headache!

Everything checked out for me and Baby W this morning. Nothing to be concerned about.
Only gained a pound or 2 since last week. Blood pressure was fine. Baby’s heartbeat was 147.
Last week I was dilated 2cm, this week I am 3cm. I am 50% effaced and at a -2. She didn’t strip my membranes this time because she said there wasn’t much to strip. I’m taking that as a good thing?!
We talked about scheduling an induction & what she wanted to do for that. She wants to start me out using a bulb that they fill up with saline water. After checking me she said she wasn’t sure how much it would help since I am dilating on my own & contracting on my own. She wants to do this before using Pitocin. If she needs to use Pitocin with me, then she will use a slower drip compared to her patients that aren’t having a vbac.

My induction is scheduled for 5:30am on Sunday morning. I have to call the hospital at 4:45am to make sure that there is a bed available for me. That is going to be an early morning!!

I am hoping & praying that I can get things going on my own between now and then. I would much rather not be induced! Will try everything I can over these next few days to get contractions going on my own. Prayers about/for this would be much appreciated!

The next update will have a picture of Baby W in it!!!! 🙂