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I’m a selfish best friend

Disclaimer: this is my pity party. I am writing this the same day that I received the news. This will be published days after the news was broke to me. I know this makes me sound incredibly selfish and not a very good best friend at all but this is how I honestly feel. This is me being real with my initial feelings about this. Will I always feel like this? No. Will it take time? Yes. (This was written on 11/24/14). 

 

My mind is all over the place, my heart is broken, there’s a constant lump in my throat, and tears ready to run down my face at any given moment.

^ This is how I’ve been feeling all day today since this morning when my best friend told me that she was moving. I feel like kicking and screaming and demanding that she isn’t allowed to do this to me.

I’ve always had friends. I don’t ever remember a time that I didn’t have friends. Friends come and go. Some stay for awhile and some are gone as fast as they developed. Some make us stronger, some make smarter, and some make us better. I’ve had all kinds of friends. I’ve had great friends and I’ve had friends that have stabbed me in the back. I have a few friends that I call real friends. A few that are best friends. And even fewer friends that I call family. This girl is family.

I’ve  only met this friend a little over a year ago. I didn’t even know she existed until September (maybe) of 2013. We’ve grown close fast and I wouldn’t trade any of what I’ve been through with her…..even if it meant she wouldn’t move. I feel like a little girl who’s friend is moving and they just cry and cry.

I was so shocked when I read the Facebook message from her. At first I wondered why she didn’t tell me in person but on the other hand I was glad she didn’t because I probably would have started crying. And not the pretty cry either, the dreaded ugly cry. As thrilled as I am for her & her family (and I truly am), I would like nothing better than if everything just fell apart & they ended up staying here. I know that is incredible selfish of me. I know that no best friend really wants this to happen. I know that this is part of Gods plan for them. I know that I want the best for the her (and her family), even if that means I can’t be apart of her daily life anymore.

There was so much that I was looking forward to doing with her and her new born daughter. Our girls are only 4 months apart. I thought we were going to raise them together. I thought they’d grow up together and be bffs. I am now having to put my wants aside and plan new things.

(I know all this may sound pathetic to some that I am this upset about my friend moving but there are those few friends who mean so much more than just another friend.)

She’s only moving two hours away, so day visits aren’t out of the question. I would get to visit a city that I’ve never been to. Those are the only positives that I can find right now. Plus, I’m the only one here that knows she’s moving. I can’t even have a pity party with our other friends about this! It’s going to happen so quickly too. They are planning on being moved and settled into their new lives by the first of the year. I won’t have time to process much of this by the time she gone.

And my 2 year old. My 2 year old daughter absolutely loves her. Tells me she wants her all the time. The smile and happiness that spreads all over her face when she sees her Gigi is irreplaceable. I hope she takes this news better than I am. Plus side is, again, she’s only two hours away.

Im still trying to process what I was told, the time in which it’s happening, and the fact that she won’t be here anymore. Why now? Why this fast?

I have other friends and best friends here in this town & I don’t want any of them moving and would be just has upset if they told me this news. I thought our circle would be here forever and we’d raise our kiddos together and be old before our circle was broken up. I am just so sad. But I know these plans aren’t mine and they aren’t even hers, they are His and they are perfect.

I will miss you so much friend.

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A short goodbye

I am afraid that I will have to say a short goodbye to you all…..well at from the blog anyway. I won’t be post much of anything from the blog for awhile starting tomorrow (071511). We have family coming into town this weekend, getting our truck ready for the road, & then hitting the road Monday!

I will be able to update the fan page because I can access that from my phone but not the blog. I will also try and upload some videos on my Youtube Channel. I am hoping that we will have internet access at the hotel we are staying at in Memphis but after that I have no idea when we will have it. I will definitely make a blog post when we do have it again!

Here are the links for the fan page & Youtube Channel…..I hope that you all will join us on both to follow our journey that way since I won’t be able to post anything here for awhile.

Thanks to everyone for your love & support!

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2 weeks down

As of yesterday (07811) we have finished our 2nd week here at J & W house!
It feels like it’s been much longer than that but on the other hand it doesn’t.

This coming week is our last week in North Carolina. It makes me sad in a way but I am also excited to go forward with our new chapter.

The weekend of the 15th Mark’s Dad is coming into town to say goodbye to us.

All the goodbyes that we have said to family arewill be bittersweet. It’s not always easy to say goodbye but it doesn’t mean forever. Good thing there are plans, trains, and automobiles! Yes, it will take more planning and money to see family now but at least the options are still there.

I have set up a goodbye playdate with friends that we know here in NC. It will be this Sunday & next Sunday. That way anyone who wants to say goodbye will have the chance. I am not sure who will end up coming out for it but those who do really were friends to begin with. (Minus the ones that don’t live here in town and have to plan to come to Greenville)

Rick (the man from the Ford dealership in WF) called yesterday to check in and see we where coming to town. I let him know our plans and said that he is looking forward to meeting Mark! I am hoping and praying that when we walks in there that he will have a job walking out. I will definitely keep everyone posted on that!

That’s about it for the updates right now. This coming week we are planning on cleaning out the truck and making sure it’s all organized for the drive. I am wanting to have as many clean clothes, so we probably won’t do laundry until Saturday or Sunday night.

Will update more later on everything! Thanks for reading 🙂

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A weekend of goodbyes

This past weekend (07111 – 07311) was the first out of two weekends that we will be saying goodbye t our family here on the east coast.

It was definitely bittersweet for me. As much as I love seeing and spending time with my family, I knew what this visit meant. It meant that this would be the last time that I would see them in I am not sure how long. It meant that these would be the last few weeks that they would be 4 hours away from us. It meant that it was settling in that we wouldn’t be able to just pack up (or them) and go see them whenever we wanted. It meant more distance between us.

It also meant these things: a great time, family time, swimming, pizza eating, movie watching, goofing off, and being around family that loves us no matter what & supports us even if they don’t agree. It meant my kids could see some family that they truly enjoy and love. It meant making memories that my kids will always remember.

We spent most of Saturday with my dad, step mom, sister, and her boyfriend. It was a great time & the kids loved it! They even took Mark and Dom is see Transformers 3! But then Sunday morning came. I knew what Sunday morning meant…..saying goodbye. I wasn’t sure how I would react when it came to saying goodbye and giving out hugs. And, to be honest, I wasn’t sure how my step mom would react either. (We are both emotional kinda people) But there were no tears (that I saw) and it ended like all of our visits do. I am not sure if that was because the reality hadn’t set in yet or because everyone was trying to avoid what the reality was. Either way, it ended better then I thought it would.

Thank you all so much for driving down here, staying the weekend, and spending your time with us. It sucks as to why you all came down here but it was great seeing & spending time with you! The pictures turned out great! Thank you for everything…and I don’t just mean this weekend….I mean my entire life, thank you! We love you all so much!

Having a drive take 7 hours instead of 4 = Sucky
Not sleeping in your own bed = Not always great
Knowing your family will come visit you regardless of all that = priceless!