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Motherhood confession

*This is a real & honest conversation between two mothers. This is not to spark a debate but rather to let everyone know that every mothers experience is different but, nonetheless, real. You may not agree with what is said, but I do ask you that you respect these two mothers & their experiences.*

When {Husband} and I were still engaged, I quit the doctorate program that I was halfway through, for lots of reasons, but it was super painful. When we got married I was still dealing with the loss of my dream career and figuring out what the heck I was gonna do with my life now. We were on the “3-5 year plan” for kids so I was on the pill. 9 months later we found out I was 8 weeks pregnant (I missed a pill) and we were in super shock/denial, etc. To be brutally honest, we both secretly hoped I would miscarry, we just were NOT ready for a baby, we were barely married and still dealing with my quarter-life identity crisis. We couldn’t figure out how we were going to financially survive and even up until the day he was born we just kept saying
“we’re not ready”. Then {Baby} was born, he had colic, I had postpartum
depression, and {Husband} was working til 11pm half the time because work was
 slammed. It was NOT a good combination. I had to go back to work when {Baby} was 6 weeks old because we needed the money. I was a nanny and took {Baby} with me, and it was a good distraction. I went from working 2 days a week to 6 days a week by the time he turned one. I was still in denial that I was a mom. I was clinging to my vanishing identity from before {Baby}, and so was {Husband}. I needed to “go to work” because I couldn’t handle “just being a mom”. {Husband} and I were fighting constantly because we had such a hard time bonding with {Baby} due to his colic and us feeling so unprepared. The hardest part about all of this was that my whole life I WANTED to be a mom. I’ve always wanted 3 or 4 kids, but this was NOT how I had pictured things. I had a baby and I didn’t feel that crazy attachment people claim all moms immediately feel. That made me feel like a horrible person. Fast forward to this summer. Our church was doing a series on the book of Jonah. In the first chapter, God calls Jonah to Ninevah and he flat out says “no” and goes the complete opposite direction. He flees to a different city and climbs on a boat to get there. Our pastor challenged us to examine our own lives and figure out what God was calling us to that we were running away from. And to identify what we were running to. At the time, I said “I have no idea” to both questions. Two weeks later I was rereading the first chapter, my sermon notes, and watching the following weeks sermon online, and I still was saying “I have no idea what God is calling me to that I’m running away from.” Sometime a couple days later it hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. DUH! God was calling me to be a MOM. And I have been running away from it for 2 years. I have been clinging to “I’m not just a mom, I’m a nanny too” or “when my kids go to school, I’m going to work.” I was literally working to avoid my full responsibilities as
 a mom. All of a sudden I had a peace about my life with {Baby} and {Husband} (that’s NOT to say every day is easy, of course). And at the same time I realized that God would give us our next baby on his timeline as well. (We had had such a hard time dealing with everything that we were thinking it would be several more years before we had another baby, even though ideally we would have wanted them closer together.) Now we feel confident enough to leave the timing that in God’s hands.

I can definitely relate to almost everything that you have said! Even though I
know I am not the only one that has these feelings, it’s nice to hear someone
else say that they can relate. I am still having a hard time with
motherhood. Some days are better than others but, I feel like overall I am just
 bad at it. I didn’t imagine this to be my mootherhood or for it to be so hard. I
am sure it doesn’t help that I have {# of children} so close together, but still. Ugh!  I am hoping that with finding a church, new surroundings, and finding things to
do that I enjoy will help out with everything. Glad that I could help in His
plan and thanks for talking with me about this! Nice to know that I can trust
someone to talk with things like this.

I think what it boils down to is this: Motherhood is HARD. But no one tells you
that, they just tell you all the wonderful things about being a mom. People are
quick to tell you that marriage is hard work, it’s not always easy, but no one
tells you that about being a mother. Or at least when they say it, it’s followed
by “but it’s so worth it”. Well, some days it just doesn’t feel worth it. We
moms need to be honest with each other and support each other. We’re all going
through it, but we’re too ashamed to admit it!

No one tells you how hard it really is…what a change it is…..and that some
 days you question why you did this. Everyone says whatever you go through it’s
worth it and I honestly don’t always agree with that statement. I think if we
 (mothers) were more honest and open with each other then more women would open up about their ppd & wouldn’t be afraid of what other mothers would think.
Too many mothers are so quick to judge and if you don’t say all this ‘surface’
things then you are a bad mother. I can’t imagine that we are the only two
people in the world that feel this way….I just think women don’t open up about
it because of how other mothers will react to our truths. Motherhood isn’t the
same for everyone & we all deal with it differently. I think we (mothers)
need to embrace all the differences that all mothers go through.

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Hot Topics – Rules

Ok, so I don’t want to give you a lot of rules because I want each and every one of you to freely express you feel about any topics that might come our way, but I just want to lay down some points that certain things will not accepted no matter what!

Like I said in the Intro post, I will add more as I think of them or if something happens and it needs to be addressed.

 

 

*No name calling
*Do not use names outside of this blog (ie: talking to someone about a topic, you cannot use other people’s names that are mentioned in any Hot Topics post)
*No bashing of another person’s feelings/ideas/or stand on a topic
*Everyone has their own opinion and views and you must remember that they are just that, opinions

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Hot Topics

I have been trying to think of different ways to diversify the blog and something popped into my head this morning. We should have a Hot Topics section. I would love to hear what sort of topics that you want to talk about and/or hear about. I think that it is possible for us adults to talk about something without name calling and being hurtful towards someone if they don’t agree with your side of the topic.

So if you have a Hot Topic that you want to talk about, can be about anything (And I mean anything), either comment below or email me at mommieventures@gmail.com and put ‘Hot Topic’ in the subject line!

I will also be making a post with rules and will continue to add them as I think of them or if something happens and it needs to addressed.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind and say your opinion! We do live in America…..Freedom of Speech!!!!!!!!!!!

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At What Lengths Would You Go!?

I have a VERY good friend whom I have been friends with since middle school and we keep in contact through FB and texting. We haven’t seen each other in a verrrry long time! But even with the distance, we are still very close and I love her dearly.
But, she puts up with way more then I *think* I would. I say *think* because I have never been  put in the situations that she is currently in or have been in.

She is going through what I would call a rough spot because of the way people are treating her in return for you being so giving to those not so nice people! Most of the time it’s for her ex , his wife, and her kids or her ex-inlaws. I tell her all the time I don’t know why or how she keeps doing it and then she said something to me the other day and I got it! It might be simple and a ‘duh’ moment for most, but I didn’t get it until she said it to me. I said something along the lines of ‘I don’t think that I would have as much patience as you or put up with all that’ and she said right back to me, without skipping a beat, ‘You would be amazed at what you go through for the sake of your kids’. She is not only a great person and friend, but what an awesome mother! She is putting everything that these people put her through aside and being the bigger person so that her children aren’t affected and still have a relationship with their father and his family. Now I can say that not everyone (including me) would do everything that she does, so applauded her for this!

She is such a strong woman and I don’t think people give her enough credit and I really think that people should stop taking advantage of her and start being thankful! Now these people will never read what I have just said, but I am hoping one day they will realize what crapfaces they were to her and say they are truly sorry!

To the woman that this is about, I love you to death & you keep doing what you are doing! You reap what you sow and my friend you have one hearty harvest coming your way. I admire you and respect you so much for everything that you have done, are doing, and will continue to do! I tip my hat to you! Keep your head up and know that I am always here for you no matter what!

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Anon-A-Mom: Tubal Ligation

Here is a question that I received from a Mama asking about tubal ligation and pregnancy.
Procedure:
I wasn’t sure what tubal ligation was to begin with so I had to look it up. So just incase you aren’t sure what it is, here is what I found on Wikipedia:

There are mainly four occlusion methods for tubal ligation, typically carried out on the isthmic portion of the fallopian tube, that is, the thin portion of the tube closest to the uterus.

  • Partial salpingectomy, being the most common occlusion method. The fallopian tubes are cut and realigned by suture in a way not allowing free passage. The Pomeroy technique, is a widely used version of partial salpingectomy, involving tying a small loop of the tube by suture and cutting off the top segment of the loop. It can easily be applied via laparoscopy. Partial salpingectomy is considered safe, effective and easy to learn. It does not require any special equipment to perform; it can be done with only scissors and suture. Partial salpingectomy is not generally used with laparoscopy.[1]
  • Clips: Clips clamp the tubes and inhibits blood flow to the portion, causing a small amount of scarring or fibrosis, in turn, preventing fertilization. The most commonly used clips are the Filshie clip, made of titanium, and the Wolf clip (or “Hulka clip”), made of plastic. Clips are simple to insert, but require a special tool to put in place.[1]
  • Silicone rings: Tubal rings, similarly to clips, block the tubes mechanically. It encircles a small loop of the fallopian tube, blocking blood supply to that small loop, resulting in scarring that blocks passage of the sperm or egg. A commonly used type of ring is the Yoon Ring, made of silicone.[1]
  • Electrocoagulation or cauterization: Electric current coagulates or burns a small portion of each fallopian tube. It mostly uses bipolar coagulation, where electric current enters and leaves through two ends of a forceps applied to the tubes. Bipolar coagulation is safer, but slightly less effective than unipolar coagulation, which involves the current leaving through an electrode placed under the thigh.[1] It is usually done via laparoscopy.

Interval tubal ligation is not done after a recent delivery., in contrast to postpartum tubal ligation.

In addition, a bilateral salpingectomy is effective as a tubal ligation procedure. A tubal ligation can be performed as a secondary procedure when a laparotomy is done; i.e. a cesarean section. Any of these procedures may be referred to as having one’s “tubes tied.”

Tubal ligation can be performed under either general anesthesia or local anesthesia (spinal or epidural, often supplemented with a tranquilizer to calm the patient during the procedure). The default in tubal ligations following on from cesarean birth is usually spinal/epidural, while the default in non-childbirth related situations may be general anesthesia as a matter of doctor preference. However, tubal ligations under local anesthesia, either inpatient or outpatient, may be performed under patient request.

Entry to the site of tubal ligation can be done in many forms; through a vaginal approach, through laparoscopy, a minilaparotomy (“minilap”), or through regular laparotomy.
To read more this, please visit this link!

Ok-so on to the question!
This Mama would like to hear about any personal experience that you have had with this. What kind you used. And if you can get pregnant after this has happened.
Please give any information you can about this!

Thanks Ladies!

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Anon-A-Mom

Hey ladies (& some gents I am sure)
We have a Mama who is alittle embarrassed to be asking this question, so we are doing it Anon-A-Mom style 🙂
Here is her email:

Hello.
I am so embarrassed to be asking this because I am a mother of a 20 month old and have been married for 3 years & have been doing laundry since we got married. I have never used fabric softener before and I recently purchased some. So now here is my question….when do I put the fabric softener in? Do I put it in at the beginning or at the rinse cycle? You would like that I would know about this but I don’t.
Thank you for passing along my question!

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Anon-A-Mom 2

I have this ‘friend’ that I have known since high school. I haven’t really been a fan of her the whole time I have known her. I have never been close to her and it’s just basically been an acquaintance kinda thing.

I was talking to her through AIM on day (years ago) and she asked me something along the lines of why was I always there when she IMed me. That specific time I know that I was looking up a recipe online when she IMed me. I don’t remember how it got to this point but she ended up calling me a bad mother on what others told her about how my kids dressed & what my house looked like. None of these people had kids & to be very honest with you, there was nothing wrong with the way my kids dressed or the way my house…..it just wasn’t something they would have done, so apparently that means that I am a bad mother.
Some how I knew that she had an abortion (I don’t remember if she told me or someone else). So I started saying how I felt about her having an abortion. We argued about it and I don’t remember much detail after that.

Fast forward to present day. She has one child with one on the way.
Now I just want to say that this is how I feel and I don’t know any details of how she feels, or anything like that, this is something that I get off of reading status update from her. This is my point of view and me venting.
It bothers me to my core that she calls her child her whole life and goes on and on about how great he is and how much she loves him. I don’t know how she can look at that little child and not think of the one she aborted! I don’t understand how you can do that and then when you have another child just be the happiest person ever. There is no way that I could do that! I would see the baby that I aborted everytime that I looked at the child I kept. Every status that I see her post about her child & the one on the way, just bothers me to no end!
I do not agree with what she did nor will I ever find it ok to do so.
Why am I still ‘friends’ with her? Because I am so incredibly nosey! Yes, I admit it. I know that I should de-friend her, but I cannot bring myself to do that yet.

I am not looking for advice but more of a vent kinda thing.
Thanks for listening & I am not looking for people to play devils advocate on her part.

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Anon Mom-Entry 1

I saw your post about “Anon Mom” and I couldn’t help myself! Call this revenge if you will, but I can’t keep my mouth shut any longer! For a few months I have been recieving endless harassment and criticism from this girl on FaceBook. The harassment ranges from personal verbal attacks towards me, my husband and even my children, non stop harassing emails, threats to come to my house or church to “demolish” me, stalking my personal and business web pages, and now PUBLIC slander on her business page and stealing my business ideas ( I make a product and then the next day she will make the same exact thing and publically and falsely post that  I copied HER!!!) To say the least her behavior has been psychotic. All of these things have been unprovoked. In fact the thing that set her off was when she had posted on her personal web page (we used to be acquaintances) that her daughter was 12 pounds when she was 2 months old and I responded by saying “wow, she is so big! My daughter wasn’t 12 pounds until she was five months!” The attacks have been consistent sense then and show no sign of letting up. I really am not the type of person to retaliate, but I am only human and to say the least (no details attached) I have the opportunity to basically destroy her life… Meaning she could lose everything she has ever owned if she continues. Sadly I wouldn’t feel a bit bad about it. I just keep collecting the emails and posts that she writes and she just puts herself into deeper and deeper trouble.I can’t tell you how hard it is to hold my tongue when she runs her mouth, but I know that I am a better person so I refrain, however after nine months of this I can’t and won’t take it any longer. My point in writing this is… If you ever hear someone say something slanderous about “Her business name has been removed“….. just know that it is all false. Please push it from your mind and know that the person saying it has absolutely lost her mind. With that said…. What would you do in this situation?

*Mommies, please post what you would do and help this Mommie out!*

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Anon Mom

As I was thinking as a title for this post I realized that this sounded like I was talking about someone not being a mom lol! This is not what I am talking about!

So what am I talking about?
I had posted a status on my fan page wanting some opinions on if I should write about something that has been bothering me for awhile. And there were a few of my readers that had said that they would love to be able to talk with someone & get feedback from someone who wasn’t in their personal circle of friends. So it got me thinking alittle bit that maybe I should help them out.

Here is my idea….I am not sure how it will go or what people will think, but I thought that I would put it out there for everyone…..if there is something (anything) that you would feed back about or just need to vent to people that don’t know you, then email me! We will call it Anon Mom (I just shorted the word anonymous). I will not post names or dates or email address & I will never ask for any of those details or for you to tell more then you have. This has to be a judgement free zone….a safe place to vent, get advice, and just let some things off your chest! I will basically copy & paste what you send me but I will read through it to make sure that there are no names or dates or anything like that.

If this interested you or you would like me to post something for you, please email me at mommieventures@gmail.com and put ‘Anon Mom’ in the subject line.
Thanks & I hope that this ends up helping some of you out!