I was sitting in a local restaurant this past Sunday evening with a small group of ladies.
These ladies & I get together once a month for something called the IF: Table. There is always a set of questions that we can talk about, which is wonderful to get the conversation going & a great ice breaker for those that are new or need a topic to start with.
Anyway, we tend to start with the questions, go off topic, and then wrangle ourselves back to the questions.
We started talking about how divorce is so common these days and how some people tend to just marry & divorce like it doesn’t mean anything to take those vows. Celebrities & media certainly don’t help with these matters either.
We started talking about our personal stories of divorce and how we viewed it.
I shared that Mister and I have been on the brink of divorce more than once in our marriage. We had many struggles and didn’t always know how to deal with these things. My first reaction was to always run away and leave the problem/situation.
Then there came a point during 1 argument (I don’t remember many details) where Mister said that divorce wasn’t an option for us. I looked at him and said that he didn’t get to decide those things for me. We proceeded to tell me that if I wanted to leave then that was fine but he would never sign any divorce papers. This made no sense to me. Why would you want to stay with someone who didn’t want to be with you & hinder them from going on with their life. It made no sense to me. I questioned him with a million questions about this (I can only imagine) and figured that if he wanted to do that then that was fine but I wasn’t going to stick around.
I came off my angry cloud eventually.
Why was I so bent on leaving this marriage just because it got rough? Why was leaving this man the only option that I would consider? Why was he willing to hold onto this so tightly?
At this point in our lives we were apart of a company/team that believed in what the Bible said and believed it to be true. Though Mister grew up going to church, being involved in his church, and reading the Bible….I did not. This wasn’t something that I was interested in. I didn’t want these things shoved down my throat.
Mister began to read the Bible more and act the way he believed instead of just saying that he believed. No matter what I wanted or even what he wanted, he read in the Bible that divorce isn’t something that you should do. (What does the Bible say about divorce?)
Knowing that he wouldn’t sign papers to have a divorce, I had 1 of 2 options. #1- I could be married to him the rest of my life & be unhappy. #2- I could get over myself, work through these problems, and be happy.
Knowing something isn’t an option really makes you stop & think about what the real issue is.
Some of you are probably yelling at your screen right about now. That’s ok, just keep reading 😉
I will be & am forever thankful that Mister had a big enough backbone to stand for our marriage. That he did something that he strongly believed in for the better of our family (I believe we had 3 kiddos when all this happened). I am thankful that no matter what friends, family, media, or any other influences were telling him that he did what he believed to be right….not convenient or easy or popular. I thank God that Mister did and said what he did. We wouldn’t be who/where we are without him standing his ground like that. I love that man more than I could ever express and am thankful I stuck around.
No matter what you are going through or who you are going through it with, when you take options like divorce or just simply walking away from any relationship or anything else in your life when you come to a cross road, when you take the option of giving up/running away off the table, you are forcing yourself to deal with the problem. You are forcing yourself to work through the muck. You are forcing yourself to step out of your comfort zone and grow.
Believe when I say that I know sometimes ending these chapters in your life are what needs to be done. I’m just saying do not give up until you’ve tried your hardest and given it everything you’ve got. You will never know what comes from things if you aren’t willing to stick around and fight. Be willing to put up with something/someone for some time in order to make sure that it’s really meant to end. Make sure that you did all you can do.
Make sure giving up isn’t an option and is off the table.