Terrified to be completely honest with you!
I was very content with having 5 kiddos and being 30 years old. My husband has always I wanted 6 but I hadn’t jumped on that bandwagon yet. I have always told him that I’m done having babies at 30. Not pregnant at 30 or delivering a baby at 30…done at 30.
Well it seems to me that God has a different plan for us than I had. Doesn’t seem to be that way all the time though!? You plan things out and then God comes along & says, nice try but let’s do it my way. Which I know deep down in my heart, is not only the right way but the only way I need to live my life….for Him and His plan/glory/kingdom.
Not only am/was I terrified but as soon as I saw the blue lines I knew what kind of feedback/reactions I was going to get from certain people. I knew who wasn’t going to be happy/excited & who would be. I didn’t want to tell anyone & just wanted to cry.
I promised I would send a picture of the test to one of my best friends as soon as I found out. I’m so thankful for her and how she was excited & made me laugh when I didn’t want to. Isn’t that what besties are for!?
I love babies, my babies, other people having babies, being pregnant, and watching others along their pregnancy journey. This is the way life works.
Went to my weekly bible study lesson & it was a smaller group than normal (in the end I was thankful for that). We were talking about what our homework was and the leader looked at me & said “What?” I hadn’t said anything. She said it looks like God is telling me to say something & I’m telling Him no.
Ok, this woman! She knows something every time! I love her to death and think it’s truly amazing how God speaks to her and she listens. So thankful for her.
I start to cry and tell them I’m pregnant. They are all so excited & happy for our family. God knew I needed that! It was encouraging to hear them speak truth to me when all I wanted to do was mope & feel sorry for myself. I should be confident in what God has given me (this new life/baby) and not be weary of what other people think. Who cares!? I perform for an audience of 1. If I am pleasing Him, then nothing, absolutely nothing else matters in this world. How dare I allow others to steal my joy & excitement for this new life I have growing inside me!?
I must say that it’s much easier for me to type this all out than to have this confidence 100% of the time. I’m not saying I don’t 100% believe it because I absolutely do! I am human and I still question things and will fall back some times/days. That is 100% ok! Just know that I won’t stay in that place of fear/worry. I will get back up and know that He has equipped me/my family with what we need for this baby already…. even if I can’t see it yet.
Don’t be afraid of others with what God has given you. Go forward and know that He is with you every step of the way.