Today was a little better than yesterday. I still had the urge to go on Facebook. The motion of doing it still wanted to take over but I didn’t! This is harder than I thought. As much as I want to give up – I will not!
Had another heart to heart with God today. It wasn’t as nice as yesterday. I was honest with Him with my feelings. Wait, I am always honest with Him with my feelings but not out loud. I have a fear of the Lord and I think that’s why I have never spoken to Him out loud. Not sure what the difference is because He knows my true feelings anyway. Things seem to be getting worse while on this fast. I think that I was naive when going into this fast. Thought things would turn around quickly and I would see/hear things change. Yea not happening like that.
I was talking with a really good friend of mine tonight about how today went (I have been texting her nightly since I started this fast) and she told me some things that I needed to hear. I love that she is honest with me about things and doesn’t just pat my back and tell me things will be ok. She told me that things will get worse and that I needed to speak to satan and tell him a few things. I agree with her very much and will be having a nice little chat with satan tomorrow afternoon. He will not win this! I will! And I am only winning because I have Jesus in my corner. I am nothing without Him and would loose everything if He weren’t with me.
Today has been an angry day for me. I am angry at a few things. I let God know how I was feeling and what I wanted Him to do. Now I know that He cannot do everything and that I have to take steps in order to do what He wants me to do and what I want for my family and life. I also know that He can tell where to go, who to talk to, and how to do all this. I am scared and nervous about all this. For one because it’s new to me and I feel silly talking to air. And second because I know that satan will want to attack me more because I am doing this and afraid of what satan will try to do. On the other hand I know that I have nothing to fear because God is with me….always! He will never let anything happen to me. I believe Gods promises.
I didn’t read during nap time today. I needed to have a pity party so I had it when my kiddos couldn’t see me. I am going to write in my prayer journal tonight and read more in Proverbs.
I will not give up. I will finish this fast. Something great will come out of this.
Thank you to those who are supporting, loving, and praying for me during this time. It’s definitely a growing period but I am also thinking that it is bringing me closer to God. Thank you 🙂