This statement as been said to me many times over the years, but I have had it said to me twice within the last 2 days. Usually these comments aren’t so close together. One was from a woman who has never met me & just happens to belong to the same local mom group that I do. The other was from my mom…this isn’t the first time she has said these words to me.
Now for the woman who doesn’t even know me, I told her she might want to think before she spoke and that not everyone has thick skin (mine has gotten thicker over the years). She said sorry and asked me not to hate her…..don’t apologize for your opinion & I would never hate anyone. I simply told her that her opinion didn’t matter to me therefore I couldn’t be offended nor did she hurt my feelings. And those statements are true. I don’t care about others opinions and I am not offended. Most are ignorant comments anyway.
About my mom. I am currently pregnant with my 5th baby & she has been telling me to stop having babies & to get my tubes tied since I was pregnant with baby #3. As you can clearly see, I didn’t take her words to heart. It’s more discouraging to hear from your mom (or any family) than a friend or stranger. So it gets to me sometimes when she says it. I understand where she is coming from and just wants the best for me and my family….but the choices we makes aren’t up to her nor do we consult anyone before making the choices that we make.
I would like to say something….might raise a few eye brows, might not. I have been thinking about how to word this since this afternoon after getting off the phone with my mom. And to be honest, I am not sure how this might come out. All I know is that I will be honest about my feelings, views, and beliefs. I am not asking you to agree with me, think the same way I do, believe the same way I do, or anything else along those lines. All I am asking is to be respected for the choices that are made with our family even though you may not agree. I have never minded explaining our beliefs or why we choose what we choose. But don’t ask me and then criticize me for those beliefs. This is our life. We answer to no one.
The amount of children I have & whether or not I am closing my womb isn’t up for discussion with anyone but my husband. We put our trust in the Lord and know that He will provide for us and knows what is best for us better than we do. Just because you wouldn’t have a large family doesn’t mean that you need to push you wants\needs\dislikes onto me. I can tell you right now that it won’t change my mind or make me think that you are right. How many children I have does not & will never affect you & your daily life. I don’t ask anyone to care for my children or pay for my children. My husband & I do those things. If someone offers help or says they would like to watch the kiddos, then that’s different. I am not sure why everyone else cares about the number of kids we have. If someone could explain why you care…then please tell me.
After a couple gets married, people soon start to ask “When are you two going to start having kids?”
Then you have baby #1.
Soon after that people ask “When are you having baby #2?”
Some might ask if you are finished now that you have 2. Others won’t say anything until you have a 3rd one and then people start to ask “When are you going to stop?”
What is the point of these questions\comments? People can’t wait for couples to have babies and then once the couple has a certain amount, it starts to make others nervous and question this couple. Is it because these people are uncomfortable with the fact that this couple has more children then they would want? Is it because these people don’t think that they themselves could handle that many children? Perhaps there is some jealousy mixed in there?
I don’t know the answers to these questions, but if someone would like to answer them in their opinion, please feel free to do so!
Whatever the reason you feel you need to make these comments (and feel that it’s your place and appropriate), you should probably just walk away before opening your mouth. Mothers & Fathers of large families don’t walk away from talking with you thinking that they should listen to you or that you are right. We walk away from you thinking that you are rude & who do you think you are voicing your opinion like that?! (Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinon…but it’s called time & place).
Also, there is no need to ask if we know what causes this. We aren’t stupid!
I am tired right now and cannot keep typing, but if you would like to hear our beliefs and reasons on having the amount of kiddos we do….I will be more than happy to make a post about it. Or I might do it anyway.
If you are friends with me on my personal page and have an issue with the fact that I have 5 kiddos (and possibly more), then do me a favor and just take yourself off my friends list.
One last statement.
It’s our life. Be apart of it or don’t. Simple as that.