I am having a really hard time right now.
This moving process is taking so much longer than anyone expected & the stress that is coming along with it is so much that I feel that I could snap at any moment….and actually have a few times. I am so ready for all of this to done & over with and, finally, get a normal life back…whatever that means.
I think that I made a fantasy land in my head before we started the actual road trip. I had imagined this whole thing playing out & now, it’s nothing like what I thought it would be. I am disappointed & having some depression for it. I feel like I set myself up for all this because I was the one with these thoughts about moving.
I thought our whole entire life would change with this move. I thought all the bad & negative things would leave us behind once we crossed the state line. I thought life would be easier here. I thought we would be ahead instead of behind. I, apparently, thought we would be living in a fairy tale.
I know why I thought all these things but it didn’t hit me that life wasn’t going to turn out like that until recently. I wasn’t aware that my mind has actually believed this new idea about what life was going to be. I didn’t know that my mind had embedded this idea into my brain.
Now, I did think that things would be different in a good way & in some aspects they are. In all the other ways though, it’s just the same. I thought that moving here, my entire mind set would change….instantly. I am in no way saying that I regret moving here or wish that we hadn’t moved here. I really like it here & am glad that we have moved here. What I am saying is that I think I phsyed myself up so many about the new life that we would have out here that I lost touch with reality. I didn’t go crazy over here, though some days it feels like I have, but I did lose touch with what would really happen when moving here. I am 100% positive that this would have happened no matter where we moved to.
I had all these great expectations about moving here. I had this plan of what would happen once we moved here. I had a vision of how our new life would be. I had dreamed about what life would be here.
None of this mattered though because life has hit me upside the head with reality. I am not sure how to work through this. I know what life is really like & what to expect but I don’t think that my mind has caught up with all this. I think that because I wanted things to be so different that it’s going to be really hard to get this fantasy land out of my mind. Not saying that we cannot be there one day but I know that it wasn’t going to happen overnight or within a few days of being here.
I am really not as out of touch with reality has this may make me sound. I think that I just wanted something so badly that I forgot to factor in what would have really happened…..and has. I think that once we are out of a hotel and into our own place, things will be easier to deal with. I can’t be for sure though & will only know once we get there and start this new life. These last (almost) 2 months have really kicked my butt & added extra stress. I am grateful for some of the things that we went through to get to this point….but some, if not most, of the things that we have gone through
could have been left out.
I would like to take a moment & thank our family for helping us out through these last 2 months when they didn’t have to. I know that it has been a drain on you & I am truly sorry for that. You will be paid back. Thank you again to all our family that helped out….we love you very much. I know saying ‘Thank you’ isn’t enough but your help has meant more than we can express. Thank you ❤