Disagree completely!

A friend of mine on FB posted this yesterday. I completely disagree with this but I could understand why they would think\say these things.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without
patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I
know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more
books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those
who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel
at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my
child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to
take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a
broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this
special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads
me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a
better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been
tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to
save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have
learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes
that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond
hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

Now I say that I understand where they are coming from because when you struggle for anything (whatever is it) you learn to not take it for granted. I don’t disagree with the whole thing, the only statement I disagree with is this one:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without
patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I
know that I will be better.

To say that you will be a better mother regardless of why is just wrong in my book. Women who haven’t struggled to get pregnant can feel the same way about their child as these women do. I don’t think any woman should say to another woman “I will be a better mother than you”. I think that it’s disrespectful to say that. And, of course, the women who haven’t struggled to get pregnant can’t possibly understand what it feels like. We haven’t gone through it. No one can know what a situation feels like unless they have gone through it. I have to say that it angers me to hear another woman say that they will be a better mother just because they struggled to get pregnant. You aren’t better than the woman who don’t struggle. You may be more aware of the things that your child will do, you may not get upset because your newborn is screaming in the middle of the night, and you may not take her child for granted. How dare you say that you are a better mother because you struggled! You may not mean to say that you will be a better mother, but by the words from this author and you saying that you agree with everything this author has said–definitely speaks volumes. Regardless of your lifestyle, income, beliefs, age, and background – no woman is a better mother than the next. Motherhood should be a time of bonding between women…not drawing a line in the sand because you struggled.

It breaks my heart to hear women struggling to have a baby. Most women out there want to be a mother more than anything else in this world! I am truly sorry to those of you that struggle and my heart goes out to you. I am in no way disrespecting you by sharing my opinion of this poem. If there was a way to rid infertility from the world, I would definitely jump at that opportunity to do away with it. If a woman wants to be a mother I don’t think that they should struggle with it at all! It should be easy to become pregnant and be that mother you want to be!

I have no problem with anyone sharing their own opinion about this but all I ask of you is be respectful when doing so…no need for name calling or bashing of anyone. We all have the freedom to state our opinions whether we agree with them or not.

Again, I just don’t agree with the fact that you say you will be a better mother than me (or any other mother) because you struggled. It’s not anyones fault that you struggle to get\stay pregnant and you should definitely not segregate yourself from those women who don’t have to struggle to get\stay pregnant. Again, my heart breaks for those of you that do have a hard time getting pregnant….I wish it wasn’t that way. So please don’t take this post as me being insensitive because I am not. I always try to put myself in other people’s shoes especially when it is something I have never gone through.

So anyway, those are my thoughts and opinions about this. I just disagree with one statement out of this whole poem. I understand where women with infertility problems are coming from and why they would say they would be better mothers….but I feel that statement is just untrue and disrespectful to those women who haven’t struggled.

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3 thoughts on “Disagree completely!

  1. I completely agree with you!!! Its REALLY messed up. I don’t truly believe this, but if anyone is a “better” mother, how about those that DO get pregnant but can’t carry to term and have to watch their children struggle for life for months in the NICU. Talk about noticing every detail of your child! Talk about your body turning on not only YOU, but ALSO YOUR CHILD. Argh, people are frustrating. I feel for those that can’t have children, I really do, but they will in no way be a better mother than anyone else.

  2. I’m with you on this, Trelanie. Struggling to get pregnant doesn’t make anyone a better mother. That’s basically saying that women who don’t have to struggle don’t fully appreciate their children. That’s a very ignorant thought to have.

  3. I had two miscarriages but can tell you that the pain from that did not make me a better mother. It did help me to appreciate what I had though and not take it for granted. I think it’s a struggle too for us moms to have such high expectations for ourselves to do everything perfectly. From my experience, I cannot be perfect at it no matter how much I try. I get impatient, bored, miss my selfish alone time. The moms I know feel the same way. And thank God for His help. I couldn’t do this on my own.
    Because you have kids I wanted to pass this on – it’s called the Mom’s Guide to Caring for Little Teeth (http://www.1dental.com/moms-guide/). I wish I’d had it the first time around with my oldest son.

I look forward to your comments & try to reply to every single one of them :)

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