Team Work

Everyone knows that two hands, heads, feet, etc. are better than one, but often I see that couple who are married don’t act like one unit. They, instead, act like roommates, draw an unseen line (mine & yours), don’t give 100%, and act like ‘If you don’t do this for me then I won’t do that for you’.

Well I am here to tell you that this way of thinking and\or doing is not and will not work. Never has-never will. Every husband and wife needs to give their 100% no matter what their spouse is giving. Treat them how you want them to treat you. No, it’s not easy at first because you see everything that you are doing for and the household without getting what you want in return, but once you keep doing all of that-sooner or later they will start to feel guilty and start returning the favor.

I get so tired of hearing ‘Well they don’t do this for me so I am not going to do this for them’…….really!? Are we 12 and have to do tit or tat?

There are times in your life when you will have to do something regardless of someone else and their lack of {fill in the blank} and being married is one of those times. You don’t give 50\50 in a marriage, it’s always 100\100 or you will never be happy with your spouse.

My husband and I had our fair share of problems in the beginning of our marriage, and from time to time-still do. No marriage is perfect and you will never stop working on it. It’s just one of those things that you have to work at all the time or it will start to fall in between the cracks. You have to consistently be working and growing on your marriage. Marriage is not an easy road and it never will be-regardless of how much you love the other person. And don’t be afraid to speak up and say that you aren’t happy and list the things that you would like to change, but do it in a respectful way. There is no need to yell, scream, and call your spouse names when doing this. Because if you have done it before you should know that it gets you nowhere and only makes the problem bigger. Nothing gets solved when you do these things. Carve out time for the two of you to sit down and talk about things, make a list of topics you want to talk about before meeting, go in there with a clear and open mind. And please, always remember that your spouse is NOT you and will NOT act the way you want them to nor do things the way you would do them. You have to compromise in a marriage-let go of some of your control. Remember you are not their parents but their wife\husband….you are their equal and need to treat them as such. This isn’t a battle that you need to win….you can either be right or you can be happy-but you can’t have both. There is no winner or looser in a marriage either. You are both in this together and need to work together….all the time.

I am an open book about the issues that my husband and I have had during our (almost) 6 years of marriage and in the long run, that’s nothing. I am in no why saying that I have all of the answers for you or saying that I have done it all and everything I say is right. You and your spouse need to sit down and talk (talk being the key word here) about the things that are or aren’t going on in your marriage. I think that society makes it out to be that once you say ‘I do’ everything just falls into place and everyone lives happily ever after….WRONG!

Also, you all need to stop degrading your spouses in front of people-you aren’t cool and it makes you look stupid. You wouldn’t want your husband\wife doing that to you and I promise they don’t like it when you do it about them. It’s childish and immature. Stop running to all of your friends about how she\he has done you wrong. Of course your friends are going to side with you….they are YOUR friends. Now I am not saying that you shouldn’t get advice or vent to your friends (because that’s what they are there for) but don’t go to them looking for them to validate you and your feelings. You aren’t always right and need to stop thinking that way. Marriage is a partnership and it should be worked on with the two of you, not third parties like friends or family (unless you need an intervention about something serious). Go to people for advice but not for them to solve your marriage problems…no one can do that but the two of you.

Like I have said several times in this one post-you have to work on your marriage just like anything else in life. You have to maintain it and keep it going. Marriage is supposed to be a happy time in your life and sharing your life with the one person you love the most. This isn’t something that comes by naturally for most people either (example:ME!), it’s something that has to be learned and it’s definitely something you have to adjust to. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend above all others. If you aren’t happy with the way things are being dealt with in your marriage, then speak up to your spouse and work on it. Be a mature adult and talk things out, they can’t read your mind, so when talking-just come out and say it instead of beating around the bush.

Again, this isn’t something that is easy or natural, but it is a must if you want to be happy. My husband and I have to work on our marriage daily…it won’t do it by itself.

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